Life Lessons I've Learned from Spider Solitaire:

Image by Sir Twilight King via Flickr

Life Lessons I've Learned from Spider Solitaire:

Even if you've lost 14 times in a row...you eventually WILL win again. Guaranteed. And it's all just a game, so just HAVE FUN.

Thank You God

I'm 63 years old now. I am extremely happily married to the love of my life for 41 years. I have given birth to three loving children who are all now successful adults. I am Mom to 18 other wonderful kids whom we've adopted, most of whom are adults, successful or at least safe and happy, now as well. Four of them have entered into God's kingdom, a little too early for my liking, but I accept that.

Two of my children have provided me with four glorious grandchildren, that I have not been able to build anything other than a superficial relationship with, and that is the only thing in my life that makes me sad.

It's not always been an easy life, but all in all it's been something magnificent. All the hardships and difficulties pale in comparison to the joy I've been given. Watching newborn babies grow and learn about life has been a remarkable gift. Watching some marry and have children and construct a loving and golden life has been such a gift to me.

Watching some die has been a learning experience, and a sound lesson in love. Love that knows no end. But again, thank you, God, for those experiences as well. I"m a better person because of it.

It's all good. If I were to die today I'd not have many regrets. Regrets won't get me anywhere, but the love of my family will go with me anywhere I will go, even beyond this life.

Oh, so mysterious our lives seem when we are living them. How wondrous to look back on the years and see that it was all worth the while...and then some.

Six Little Ducks Went Out To Play

Yeah, OK, so I haven't blogged in, well, forever. I've not had anything to say, I guess. Either that or Facebook took over my life. But I have something to say today.

My son, Will is 22 and has Down Syndrome, as do many of his siblings. He is not the brightest DS kid I have, but also not the slowest I've had, either. We've been talking a lot about getting the adult kids with DS into group homes, but it is SUCH a painful thing to even consider, let alone plan for.

For example. William loves the Wiggles. He has videos and DVDs he'll watch all the time. One of them has the Six Little Ducks went out to play song in it, where "only 5 of the little ducks came back."

He'll listen to that and get very sad. And when the song is over he'll come to me and say, "Ethan, gone. Fell on the floor. Dead." and then Jack, gone, Cocoa, gone," and down the line of all the pets we've had an lost. If he were older he'd also remember Christopher, Rebecca and Taylor who also left us too soon.

I remember them all, and the pain is always there lurking in the back of my mind and heart. Loss is hard for all of us, but more so for children who don't understand that there IS a life after death. That heaven is a real place, and not a scary place at all.

So it will always be with William. He'll always have the mind and heart of a four year old child. So think about it, moms, about how hard it would be to place your four year old son into a group home, or any home that isn't his own, and there you have my heartbreaking dilemma. How do I place my BABY into a group home?

It's not so hard to think about placing Matt and Jennifer into a group home. They are higher functioning and have friends and social activities. Matt actually begs us to let him move into a group home. He's 25. Robin, who is almost 20, is lower functioning than Will, and it will be hard for her, but I don't think as traumatizing as for Will. Nor will it be too hard on Danielle, Emily, Ross, Jay or Jeremy.

Theoretically, they will all be adults in the next year or two, but...

...a 22 year old four year old shouldn't have to face that, right?

Nine little ducks are about to go out and play. And Mom is crying.

IIWII

Lately we've been hearing a resurgence of the old saying, "It is what it is." Now lots of people would say this is a doom and gloom type of saying, but I don't think that's so.

Say you have a nasty situation at home. If you say, and internalize, "it is what it is" it CAN be an incredibly freeing thing.

Freeing? You bet. IIWII (It is what it is) tell us that nothing is going to change it. In other words, no amount of angst on your part is going to have any effect. So why bother?

Simply stop the worrying about something that has happened. Stop the blaming. Stop the anger. None of that is going to change the situation. It isn't worth the effort.

Instead, think IIWII and think of how to improve the situation. And of it simply can't be improved or eliminated, than accept it. Without all the negative emotion.

Now that can be incredibly freeing.

I started doing this a few years ago. Now when someone breaks a window I just think it is what it is and send my husband out to get a new one. My being angry isn't going to restore that window. And, in truth, my being angry isn't even going to change the kid who probably did it (There are two probabilities in this family.)

I simply stay happy.

DH's response to things like this is to blow a gasket. Not me. IIWII. Don't waste the energy! Get on with it. Just do what has to be done and forget the angst.

You have no idea how freeing this can be. Try it.

My Artwork

I do other thing.s besides being a wife and mom. One of my passions is digital art. Here's a quick sample of some of my older work:

Common Sense in Foster care

OK, I realize that the term "common sense" and "foster care simply have no business being located anywhere near each other. But I have some ideas about the system.

Cindy in her post about something a friend of hers wrote touches on this. Her friend, like most of us large adoptive family moms, had been through the CPS nightmare and stated that unless you had the money to hire a "big bully attorney" you had no chance to fight CPS. True. But that isn't necessarily what this blog post is about.

Twice CPS has threatened to take our kids for damage to the house done by those same kids, and the lack of money/time to fix those things. Flooring ripped up, holes in the walls, etc. If you're reading this, you know what I mean. This put me in a unique spot and had gotten me thinking.

If they had been able to remove my kids, the emotional damage done to them would have been extraordinary. So much so that any foster or future adoptive family would have had one H*LL of a time managing them while they grieved, and they would grieve forever. The future of these kids would have been changed from rosy to untenable for young fragile personalities, all of whom are bonded well, because in the past 20 years we only adopted infants with Down Syndrome or Spina Bifida. Oh, and a superpremie crack baby got in there too. Breaking that bond with us would have destroyed them.

How much better would it be if children were left in their home and round the clock supervision were provided in home? A person to just BE THERE, to help out and to make suggestions. To teach parenting, if that needed to be done.

The kids wouldn't have to leave the parents they love. They would be safe and their lives wouldn't be abruptly changed to live with strangers. Life would go on without damage to the children's psyches.

Now,I realize that some parents would STILL screw up and some kids would still be removed, but if it saved the largest part of threatened children, then it would be a success. I mean, if the supervising lady said, hey that kitchen isn't safe or healthy, please clean it up (with the implied thought 'I can take your kids if you don't') surely a parent who loved their children would do it.

You say, it's too expensive? Oh no it isn't. Foster care and all that entails is way more expensive. And then there are the psychiatric bills that will always go along with a child removed from his own home. This plan would do away with the residential treament often needed with damaged children. No foster care, fewer damaged children.

Now this in home round the clock services would only work if the children were also granted access to medicaid, and money would be there to hospitalize severely disturbed children in the home.

A good solution all around, I think. Kids with a future, versus kids with nothing but torment in their future.

School Nurses

So it's what, three weeks into the school year? Yesterday the county supervising school nurse was called in to look at Jay, who is 16 and has spina bifida and uses a wheelchair. He also has a vesicostomy, which is simply a hole directly into his bladder. No stoma, just a hole that serves as a release valve so that his urine doesn't back up into his kidneys.

He had loose stools and the teacher was concerned. So the county nurse told us she wanted us to take him to the UROLOGIST right away as he "might have a blockage."

Now if you're paying attention you'll see the stupidity here. Why on earth would I take the kid to a bladder and kidney doctor for loose stools?

So we asked if they wanted him taken home and they said no. HUH? They send kids home if they SNIFF.

And just now I get a call from the PHYSICAL THERAPIST wanting to know if we'd taken him to the urologist. I said no and why would I take a kid with loose stools to a urologist? She was snippy and said, well you have a nice day... And I see where this is going. Pretty soon the CPS people will be at my door.

My legal plan had better be in place by now...

(OK, for those who asked goto megamom's site and scroll down on the right and you'll see the link for the legal plan. It's cheap and provides you with a hotline to call when CPS is on your doorstep and get advice from am attorney who understands how these things work. Priceless)