All Growed Up

I've always said that since "normal" kids grow up and move on, so my mentally and physically disabled children would also move on when they reached 18.

Well, they are "All Growed Up." Jay, the "baby" turned 18 om July 28.

We are in the process of getting all 9 of the remaining adult kids into supported living apartments. It's really cool how it's coming together. The oldest three will go into a 3 bedroom apartment probably around September 1. Then Oct 1 the next three and Nov 3 the third group of three.

All 3 apartments are in the same complex and the complex is wonderful. It's newer and the apartments surround a lake and there is a big pool, and the boys are excited about the exercise equipment room!

We've managed to get them all into first floor apartments so that the boys with spina bifida can visit everyone else. So now we've got to furnish all three apartments (with no funding for THAT PART.) The state funds only the staffing the apartments need to help the kids. When the kids are there, there is staff there also.

Everyone has a bed here, of course, but at least three of them need a new mattress. And we certainly don't have any extra/functional chairs, tables or sofas in this house. Everything has been beat to heck and is headed for the dump.

The kids will share the rent and use their SSI to do that. Some of them earn a small salary, too.

Some of the kids are sooo excited. Others haven't got a clue. I'll tell you who is excited: MY HUSBAND AND I! We haven't had any kind of freedom in 43 years. We're already planning vacations. Like to the Smithsonian, the Gettysburg Battlefield, St. Augustine...well that's as far as we've gotten. Although we've enjoyed being parents to so many kids, and would do it again (if a time clock were wound back to 1968, that is. I wouldn't now at age 64 want to start over!)

These apartments are only available because our kids got on Med Waiver. The biggest advice I can give a parent of a disabled child is GET THEM ON THE LIST FOR MED WAIVER IMMEDIATELY. Even if they are only 3 days old. It take many years to get your name to the top of the list. Don't wait until they are 18 to do that. Took our kids 15 or more years to get there. (I'm talking FL here, and I don't know how it works in other states, but find out now.)

We've applied for social security for my husband and I, and guess what? It's just as big a mess to get that done as SSI and medicaid. My husband's file got sent to Alabama for some reason, while we live in FL. Now the FL office has to get the AL office to release the file to them. Want to guess how long THAT is going to take?

We're not going to have a lot of income, but we'll survive. Having fun looking at grocery store "apartments for rent" magazines. The hard part is trashing out this big old house. So much stuff to go through. We'll have to sell the big 15 passenger van with the wheelchair lift. Jay can use Palm Tran Connections service. We recently purchased a super 2002 Chrysler Town and Country minivan, and that will do us fine for many years to come.

Anyone interested in a 4000 sq ft house on an 1.15 acre lot in South FL? 8 bedrooms and four baths, a 28 ft $30,000 kitchen, den, living room and playroom. Wheelchair ramp, too? Cheap because it needs repairs. Probably appraise for about $150,000-180,000.

I'm rambling on. but then again, I probably won't post again for another year or at all. Facebook has killed blogging. Only two of the large adoptive family blogs I read now post regularly.

(Thanks, Cindy and Claudia,)

School starts again on the 23rd of August, but only for a few kids. Three work at the Habilitation Center. Two will go to the Goodwill transistions academy and three will go to a regular high school. They can go until they are 22. One daughter is going thru voc rehab to get a job.

It's a very busy time, but exciting, too. Our lives are about to change in marvelous ways. One of my daughters who is almost 20 says "I am SO ready to move out." My son Matt begs me every day to let him pack for the apartment. He's 26.

I'm sure that our family is not done with drama by a longshot. But it's going to get a lot less hands on for us. It's going to take a lot of getting used to for all of us, but especially for my husband and I.

Pray for all of us. I'll pray for you, too. I'll pray that when you reach my age that things will fall into place as easily as they have for us. It's been a great ride, and a lot of work. But, whoa, what a feeling that we can be (somewhat) FREE!

From Neale Donald Walsch Today

I love Neale's daily messages:

On this day of your life, Amy, I believe God wants you to know...

.that everything you see, hear, touch, taste, smell, or

sense in any way is an aspect of Divinity.

It is when you judge it to be something else that it shows

up as something else in your life. Therefore, judge not,

and neither condemn.

For that which you judge, judges you; and that which

you condemn will condemn you. Yet that which you see

for what it really is will see you for what you really are.

And therein will be found your peace.

www.nealedonaldwalsch.com

Pro Lifers for Mass Murder

Now I went to seminary, was a Presbyterian pastor for a while, until the end of the Vietnam war and we started adopting special needs kids. I believe in a loving God. One who values all life. But I've always had some problems with the ethics of ProLifers. This article says it all. Prolifers are largely a hypocritical group.

Pro-Lifers for Mass Murder

by Laurence M. Vance

Recently by Laurence M. Vance: Am I Being Unfair to the Republican Liberty Caucus?

"Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh."(James 3:10-12).

Pro-lifers are dedicated to the idea that God values all human life, they are committed to educating women about the dangers to their physical and emotional health if they undergo abortions, they are relentless in pointing out the horrors of abortion – and they are some of the most bloodthirsty warmongers on the planet.

Beginning in 1984, the Sunday in January closest to January 22 has been designed by many pro-life and religious organizations as Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. This is designed to coincide with the anniversary of the infamous Roe v. WadeSupreme Court decision in 1973 that overrode most state abortion statutes and effectively made abortion a fundamental constitutional right.

Every year on Sanctity of Human Life Sunday churches of all denominations observe this day with special sermons, prayers, and presentations, testimonies from former abortionists, recognition of pro-life organizations, denunciations of pro-choice politicians, Planned Parenthood, and the Roe v. Wade decision, calls for legislation to restrict abortion, and distribution of anti-abortion literature.

As both a Christian and a steadfast opponent of abortion (see my articles "For Whom Would Jesus Vote?" and "Is Ron Paul Wrong on Abortion?" and "The Pro-Life Assault on Ron Paul and the Constitution"), I sympathize with the pro-life cause. But I go much further than the typical pro-lifer. I don’t think abortion is okay after the third trimester; that is, I believe in the right to life for everyone – including adults and foreigners.

How many churches on the recent Sanctity of Human Life Sunday mentioned the right to life of countless numbers of Iraqis and Afghans who have been killed by American bombs and bullets in unjust wars instigated by the United States? How many churches mentioned the right to life of U.S. soldiers who have died in vain and for a lie in senseless foreign wars? If the pro-lifers in churches that observed Sanctity of Human Life Sunday care about innocent children then surely they mentioned children in Iraq and Afghanistan who have lost their parents because of the U.S. waging war on their countries, children born with birth defects due to the U.S. military using depleted uranium, and children in Iraq killed by brutal U.S. sanctions? Surely they mentioned the orphaned and emotionally scarred children of dead and injured U.S. soldiers?

Although some churches may have mentioned these things, I suspect that the number is rather small or, in the case of most evangelical churches, very insignificant. And if it be argued that the churches that observed Sanctity of Human Life Sunday should be excused because the day is just about abortion then what about the rest of the year? Do not adults have the same right to life as unborn children? Do not foreigners who are not a threat to this country have the same right to life as American babies? Do not U.S. soldiers have the same right to life that other Americans have?

But in some churches it is even worse. Not only is no mention ever made of these things, the U.S. wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are defended and celebrated. Although they may call themselves evangelical churches, they are warvangelical churches. They are churches that worship God and venerate the institution of the military; they are churches that preach Christ and promote warmongering Republican politicians. They are pro-lifers for mass murder.

It is only natural that most pro-lifers love Republican politicians. At the Family Research Council’s Values Voter Summit held in Washington DC this past September, Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN) was the top choice of conservative activists. This same group named abortion as the top issue they were concerned about. Pence was also the top pick for vice president.

The German Nazis fought for the fatherland. The Soviet Red Army fought for the motherland. Mike Pencewants Americans to fight for the homeland. He "supported creation of the new Department of Homeland Security, the largest reorganization of the government since the beginning of the Cold War." Because of the Department of Homeland Security, "our ability to defend the homeland is more effective, efficient and organized." Pence is a committed supporter of the bogus war on terror. He even repeats the ridiculous canard that "we must take the fight to the terrorists overseas so we don’t have to face them here at home."

The runner up to Pence in the Values Voters straw poll was the former preacher Mike Huckabee, who won the top spot last year. Huckabee not only supported the sending of more troops to their death in Iraq, he actually maintained that we should not withdraw from Iraq because "we are winning." This advocate of perpetual war in the Middle East had only one criticism for Bush regarding his handling of the war in Iraq: he was too timid and not sufficiently bloodthirsty.

Pence and Huckabee are no different from DeMint, Romney, Gingrich, Giuliani, McCain, Graham, Palin, and Santourm – they are all ardent supporters of war, empire, and police statism. Yet, any one of these individuals would get the support of most evangelicals as long as they played the pro-life card. Once a Republican candidate passes a pro-life litmus test (applied to just American babies), nothing else about them seems to matter. They could call for bombing Iran, Pakistan, or Yemen back to the Stone Age and it wouldn’t change anything.

Why are pro-lifers so indifferent to, and in some cases so defensive of, war, militarism, and nationalism? I think the main reason is ignorance. Ignorance of the Republican Party. Ignorance of U.S. foreign policy. Ignorance of history. Ignorance of the military. Ignorance of the Bible they profess to believe. This is especially true if all one does is listen to SRN News on radio, watch Fox News on television, and read news by the American Family Association on the Internet. The importance of LewRockwell.com must here be mentioned. I have lost count of the number of Christians that have written me about how LRC has been instrumental in changing their thinking.

Pro-lifers should be just as concerned about their government sanctioning the killing of foreigners on the battlefield in an unjust war as they are about their government sanctioning the killing of babies in the womb in an abortion.

It is hypocrisy in the highest degree to talk about the sanctity of life and the evils of abortion and then turn around and show contempt for, or indifference to, the lives of adults and foreigners.

Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. Pro-lifers, these things ought not so to be.

January 24, 2011

Laurence M. Vance [send him mail] writes from central Florida. He is the author of Christianity and War and Other Essays Against the Warfare State and The Revolution that Wasn't. His newest book is Rethinking the Good War. Visit his website.

Copyright © 2011 by LewRockwell.com. Permission to reprint in whole or in part is gladly granted, provided full credit is given.

Christmas Peace and a Revelation

I grew up in the 50's an 60's in working class Pittsburgh. I had 4 brothers and sisters. We absolutely loved the holidays. My mom would ask us what we wanted and she would buy it for our main present. Then she'd also buy us 3-4 other gifts (toys, not clothes) and then my grandmother from Scotland would come over and bring us gifts, too. She was born in 1898 and gifts when she was growing up were items of clothing.

Mom Mom would give us white full slips that we'd never use, but in her Scottish Christmases were something she only got then and were dearly appreciated. We'd also get something she had knitted for us, like a sweater, which was always nice.

My mother would give Mom Mom gifts that she probably never used, like scented soaps or bath powder.

Christmas was a time in my family which seemed like a dream. And because I can't give my own kids that kind of dream I've felt bad. This year each kid is getting a $20 gift and that's all we can afford. I've got a lot more than 5 kids here, and four grandsons as well. I can't remember the last Christmas present my husband or I got each other. So it tends to depress me.

But this year, I'm not letting it bother me. It helps that my kids are all MR (ok intellectually disabled -couldn't they have picked a shorter politically correct term?) My kids are so very happy with anything they receive. I swear I could go to the dollar store and buy them each a $1 figurine and they'd be happy.

I need to take their attitude and make it my own.

The greatest gift I have is my wonderful husband of 41 years. If I never got another gift in my life this would be enough.

The second greatest gift I've been given are my children. Sure there have been bad times, lots of CPS visits, jails, hearings and hospital stays. but I can't imagine my life without a single one of them. When I look past their problems, and the problems they have created, I see that innocent soul there. That God-sent spirit that no matter what is going on, still resides within them.

This year I'm happy just to dwell on that. The Holy Spirit resides in each one of them. I have to remind myself of that at times. The Holy Spirit runs through me as well. We all are part of that Holy Spirit, as if energized by the same electrical cord. We are One.

When I have bad feelings about them I am ignoring that fact that they are a part of God just as surely as I am myself. I need to keep expressing that unconditional love that runs through my veins. I need to brush off the negative crud and see them as children of God.

I've been able to do that with my dear sweet husband. Nothing he could do would even make me the slightest bit angry anymore. I'm beginning to be able to do that with each of my kids as well.

To see the people we love and live with as anything other than expressions of the Holy Spirit is to deny ourselves that profound peace found only in the love of God.

I can do this! I can do this! And that revelation is my greatest Christmas gift ever!

It's All About Forgiveness

It's been a rough two and a half weeks. Sent me into a tailspin. So much more drama than we've ever had before, the potential consequences unbelievable. Ended up getting very depressed, saying things I shouldn't say, not doing things I should be doing.

It came to me yesterday, that quiet voice that brings truth, that in your heart you already know, but haven't been honoring.

Life is all about Forgiveness. It's about forgiving people who wrong you and yours and forgiving yourself. Both may seem difficult at first, but truly shouldn't be.

It's not up to me to change others. They have a life path that they are following, just as I have. I might be able to model what I personally would like to see in them, but it is their life path they are following. I need to forgive and not blame.

Forgiving myself is harder. But I'm working on that.

What To Tell The 911 Dispatcher

Here's a heads up for all of you who have mentally handicapped or otherwise disabled children. When our child is missing or takes your car and you call 911 tell them "He is Autistic/has Down Symdrome. He doesn't understand, won't understand what you say to him. DO NOT SHOOT HIM!"

Wish I had known to add the last part. Never crossed my mind.

Crimes Against Your Family Home

My big 8 bedroom 4 bath home was in foreclosure. We owed about $309,000 on it, and in today' s market it's worth less than $200,000. We were paying close to $3000 a month on it PITI.

Now, we could have just given it back to the bank, but where would we find another 8 bedroom house at a price we could afford? Nowhere. So we asked the lender for a loan modification backj in August of 2009. We made payments monthly.

In July of this year we decided that we were not going to get a loan modification. At that time through my work I heard about a small legal firm that had an impeccable track record of having your mortgage completely expunged. Like gone. As if there never had been one.

So in July we applied for help from this little company. It's now Oct 1. Last week we got notice that they were at the stage where they are asking the lender for a release of the mortgage and a summary judgment from the judge.

By this time next month that mortgage will be dead and gone.

The legal firm has you put a new mortgage (non qualifying) on the property at 50% of today's value. We'll make payments on that only. The firm also puts a lien on the rest of the property to secure their profit. We have to refinance or sell the house in 3-5 years, but that's OK as by that time we hope to have all the kids, who will be adults by then, placed into good group homes and assisted living facilities. We'll just sell and move on.

It's the only way that we could have stayed in this house. A short sale would have meant we HAD to move. Foreclosure would have damaged our credit so that at our ages we'd probably never be able to get another mortgage. Who's going to rent to a family with 9 special needs kids?

This works on any house where the mortgage is higher than the house is worth. It brings your payments way down and you get to stay in the home.

I'm posting this because I absolutely know that we can't be the only large adoptive family out there who has a home being threatened with foreclosure. I know the despair that I felt before this program came along. That despair has turned to peace. My HOME is safe.

This legal firm has expunged the mortgages of 200 homes out of 200 attempts. They want to stay quiet, because they could easily get overwhelmed with requests.

I'm trying to get the word out to a few friends. Don't give up hope. We can give you back your home and your peace, even if the final hearing is scheduled. Even if the auction has been scheduled. Just get in touch with me and I'll point you in the right direction.

Email Dustyheart @ hut18.com

While you're waiting, watch this video. It shows how bad things are. The feds, who are basically controlled by the banks, won't help you. They can't. This solution is so much better than anything the government could come up with, and quicker.

Slowing Shutting Down and Ramping Up

After 41 years of parenting we're slowing heading toward the no kids part of our lives. It's a happy (almost gleeful) time and yet a sad one. We've raised a lot of great kids, gotten four beautiful grandsons and had a lot of fun times, and a lot of horrible ones as well.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Wendy is married to Jeff. Adam is married to Sandy. Meghan is married to Darren. Jon has a good job that he really likes and good friends. Amanda is living in a group home. Caitlyn is living in a group home. Matthew and Jennifer are working and will be applying for a group home soon.

Same for William. Just don't know how long he can continue to live with us old folks.

Emily and Danielle are attending the transitions academy and working part time (learning how to work at a job and keep it.) They'll both need to find a group home in the next couple of years. Jasmine lives in a group home. Robin NEEDS to be in a group home.

Ross will be graduating this year and will go to the Goodwill Transitions academy next year where he will learn how to take are of himself and work at a job. Jeremy will still be at Royal Palm School, but the good new is that they now feel that his behavior has improved that this year they will be taking him out for job training in the community. That was a surprise!

Jay, because he is in a wheelchair, will not be able to go to the Goodwill Transitions Academy because he cannot toilet himself. He's certainly smart enough and can learn a job, but they don't have the staff to take care of him there. He can, however, transfer to Royal Palm School and get job training.

We're thinking that we'll still have kids at home for another 2-3 years and then we're done!

Anticipating this new lifestyle I've started working again. Not at a job, really, but I've revived my corporation for doing real estate investments. I'm having a good time and anticipating some nice profits.

I work with a large CA investor company and I find houses in short sale for them to buy for all cash. I also work with a small legal company in OH that has had tremendous success at legally removing mortgages from people's homes, THIS is something I'm really excited about.

Working with short sales is depressing as so many people want to stay in their homes and that isn't legally possible with a short sale. We go in and have the mortgage legally expunged and replace it with a new loan at 50% of the actual current value. and the family can keep their home if they want to. Or sell. That's a real rewarding thing for me.

So here we are. Because we've raised kids for 41 years we have no retirement funds to speak of. But this is working. We're looking forward to a relatively kid-free time in our lives.

Severe Behavior Problems and Hyperthyroidism

Image via Wikipedia

Since he started school my now 17 year old son Jeremy has been a holy terror at school, and at home. He's made teachers cry in frustration. So much so that when he was in middle school we had to have him moved to a county run program for MR kids with the highest level of behavior problems in the area. One on one, with in class behavior therapists. He was one of the worst they'd seen. They were able to calm him down some, but nothing worked at home.

Just one little slight or refusal of something would send him into furniture throwing, wall kicking clothes ripping, couch ripping, window breaking, door destroying rage. He'd start to breathe real fast and we'd know it was coming. And he's always been VERY strong.

About a year ago I started getting worried about his rapid breathing during sleep and the fact that he was always sweaty so we mentioned it to the pediatrician on one of his visits and she said we need to have his thyroid checked.

Now kids with DS are very frequently low in thyroid, or hypothyroid. But when she felt J's neck she found a huge goiter. I always thought he just had a thick neck, like a couple other of my DS kids.

She also said that fixing this might help his behavior problems. And fix them it did.

He started taking the pills to destroy some of his thyroid and his behavior changed. Not over night, but definitely improved. He gets monthly blood tests, and the MD said it would probably take a year or more to get him stabilized. Then he got too low, and she took away the meds for a month.

After a while he started acting up again. Not nearly as bad, but still troublesome. We though, bet his thyroid is high again, and it was. So he's back on the little pills again.

The alternative to the pills, and probably the preferable treatment, was irradiation of the thyroid gland. We opted not to do that because kids with DS have three times the chance of normal kids of getting leukemia in their lifetimes.

So moral of the story...if your DS kid, or for that matter ANY KID is driving you nuts think hyperthyroidism. We always figured that the peds would have checked that. But our new one never even touched his neck, let alone ran yearly Thyroid blood tests. And in our defense,who thinks of a kid with severe behavior problems and thinks, "I bet it's his thyroid!"

Life Lessons I've Learned from Spider Solitaire:

Image by Sir Twilight King via Flickr

Life Lessons I've Learned from Spider Solitaire:

Even if you've lost 14 times in a row...you eventually WILL win again. Guaranteed. And it's all just a game, so just HAVE FUN.

Thank You God

I'm 63 years old now. I am extremely happily married to the love of my life for 41 years. I have given birth to three loving children who are all now successful adults. I am Mom to 18 other wonderful kids whom we've adopted, most of whom are adults, successful or at least safe and happy, now as well. Four of them have entered into God's kingdom, a little too early for my liking, but I accept that.

Two of my children have provided me with four glorious grandchildren, that I have not been able to build anything other than a superficial relationship with, and that is the only thing in my life that makes me sad.

It's not always been an easy life, but all in all it's been something magnificent. All the hardships and difficulties pale in comparison to the joy I've been given. Watching newborn babies grow and learn about life has been a remarkable gift. Watching some marry and have children and construct a loving and golden life has been such a gift to me.

Watching some die has been a learning experience, and a sound lesson in love. Love that knows no end. But again, thank you, God, for those experiences as well. I"m a better person because of it.

It's all good. If I were to die today I'd not have many regrets. Regrets won't get me anywhere, but the love of my family will go with me anywhere I will go, even beyond this life.

Oh, so mysterious our lives seem when we are living them. How wondrous to look back on the years and see that it was all worth the while...and then some.

Six Little Ducks Went Out To Play

Yeah, OK, so I haven't blogged in, well, forever. I've not had anything to say, I guess. Either that or Facebook took over my life. But I have something to say today.

My son, Will is 22 and has Down Syndrome, as do many of his siblings. He is not the brightest DS kid I have, but also not the slowest I've had, either. We've been talking a lot about getting the adult kids with DS into group homes, but it is SUCH a painful thing to even consider, let alone plan for.

For example. William loves the Wiggles. He has videos and DVDs he'll watch all the time. One of them has the Six Little Ducks went out to play song in it, where "only 5 of the little ducks came back."

He'll listen to that and get very sad. And when the song is over he'll come to me and say, "Ethan, gone. Fell on the floor. Dead." and then Jack, gone, Cocoa, gone," and down the line of all the pets we've had an lost. If he were older he'd also remember Christopher, Rebecca and Taylor who also left us too soon.

I remember them all, and the pain is always there lurking in the back of my mind and heart. Loss is hard for all of us, but more so for children who don't understand that there IS a life after death. That heaven is a real place, and not a scary place at all.

So it will always be with William. He'll always have the mind and heart of a four year old child. So think about it, moms, about how hard it would be to place your four year old son into a group home, or any home that isn't his own, and there you have my heartbreaking dilemma. How do I place my BABY into a group home?

It's not so hard to think about placing Matt and Jennifer into a group home. They are higher functioning and have friends and social activities. Matt actually begs us to let him move into a group home. He's 25. Robin, who is almost 20, is lower functioning than Will, and it will be hard for her, but I don't think as traumatizing as for Will. Nor will it be too hard on Danielle, Emily, Ross, Jay or Jeremy.

Theoretically, they will all be adults in the next year or two, but...

...a 22 year old four year old shouldn't have to face that, right?

Nine little ducks are about to go out and play. And Mom is crying.

IIWII

Lately we've been hearing a resurgence of the old saying, "It is what it is." Now lots of people would say this is a doom and gloom type of saying, but I don't think that's so.

Say you have a nasty situation at home. If you say, and internalize, "it is what it is" it CAN be an incredibly freeing thing.

Freeing? You bet. IIWII (It is what it is) tell us that nothing is going to change it. In other words, no amount of angst on your part is going to have any effect. So why bother?

Simply stop the worrying about something that has happened. Stop the blaming. Stop the anger. None of that is going to change the situation. It isn't worth the effort.

Instead, think IIWII and think of how to improve the situation. And of it simply can't be improved or eliminated, than accept it. Without all the negative emotion.

Now that can be incredibly freeing.

I started doing this a few years ago. Now when someone breaks a window I just think it is what it is and send my husband out to get a new one. My being angry isn't going to restore that window. And, in truth, my being angry isn't even going to change the kid who probably did it (There are two probabilities in this family.)

I simply stay happy.

DH's response to things like this is to blow a gasket. Not me. IIWII. Don't waste the energy! Get on with it. Just do what has to be done and forget the angst.

You have no idea how freeing this can be. Try it.

My Artwork

I do other thing.s besides being a wife and mom. One of my passions is digital art. Here's a quick sample of some of my older work:

Common Sense in Foster care

OK, I realize that the term "common sense" and "foster care simply have no business being located anywhere near each other. But I have some ideas about the system.

Cindy in her post about something a friend of hers wrote touches on this. Her friend, like most of us large adoptive family moms, had been through the CPS nightmare and stated that unless you had the money to hire a "big bully attorney" you had no chance to fight CPS. True. But that isn't necessarily what this blog post is about.

Twice CPS has threatened to take our kids for damage to the house done by those same kids, and the lack of money/time to fix those things. Flooring ripped up, holes in the walls, etc. If you're reading this, you know what I mean. This put me in a unique spot and had gotten me thinking.

If they had been able to remove my kids, the emotional damage done to them would have been extraordinary. So much so that any foster or future adoptive family would have had one H*LL of a time managing them while they grieved, and they would grieve forever. The future of these kids would have been changed from rosy to untenable for young fragile personalities, all of whom are bonded well, because in the past 20 years we only adopted infants with Down Syndrome or Spina Bifida. Oh, and a superpremie crack baby got in there too. Breaking that bond with us would have destroyed them.

How much better would it be if children were left in their home and round the clock supervision were provided in home? A person to just BE THERE, to help out and to make suggestions. To teach parenting, if that needed to be done.

The kids wouldn't have to leave the parents they love. They would be safe and their lives wouldn't be abruptly changed to live with strangers. Life would go on without damage to the children's psyches.

Now,I realize that some parents would STILL screw up and some kids would still be removed, but if it saved the largest part of threatened children, then it would be a success. I mean, if the supervising lady said, hey that kitchen isn't safe or healthy, please clean it up (with the implied thought 'I can take your kids if you don't') surely a parent who loved their children would do it.

You say, it's too expensive? Oh no it isn't. Foster care and all that entails is way more expensive. And then there are the psychiatric bills that will always go along with a child removed from his own home. This plan would do away with the residential treament often needed with damaged children. No foster care, fewer damaged children.

Now this in home round the clock services would only work if the children were also granted access to medicaid, and money would be there to hospitalize severely disturbed children in the home.

A good solution all around, I think. Kids with a future, versus kids with nothing but torment in their future.

School Nurses

So it's what, three weeks into the school year? Yesterday the county supervising school nurse was called in to look at Jay, who is 16 and has spina bifida and uses a wheelchair. He also has a vesicostomy, which is simply a hole directly into his bladder. No stoma, just a hole that serves as a release valve so that his urine doesn't back up into his kidneys.

He had loose stools and the teacher was concerned. So the county nurse told us she wanted us to take him to the UROLOGIST right away as he "might have a blockage."

Now if you're paying attention you'll see the stupidity here. Why on earth would I take the kid to a bladder and kidney doctor for loose stools?

So we asked if they wanted him taken home and they said no. HUH? They send kids home if they SNIFF.

And just now I get a call from the PHYSICAL THERAPIST wanting to know if we'd taken him to the urologist. I said no and why would I take a kid with loose stools to a urologist? She was snippy and said, well you have a nice day... And I see where this is going. Pretty soon the CPS people will be at my door.

My legal plan had better be in place by now...

(OK, for those who asked goto megamom's site and scroll down on the right and you'll see the link for the legal plan. It's cheap and provides you with a hotline to call when CPS is on your doorstep and get advice from am attorney who understands how these things work. Priceless)

The Innocense of Down Syndrome

When I came home from the rehab center where I was being starved to death, my 24 year old daughter Jennifer came to me and put her arms around me and said, "I'm sorry, Mom. I won't do it again."

We all know that young kids often blame themselves for things that happen in the family, but we forget that even older kids can feel responsible, especially if that person has intellectual disabilities.

Jenny is a tiny young woman whose birth parents were from Taiwan and has Down Syndrome and has been in our family since she left the hospital. She works hard at the Habilitation Center and brings home a paycheck high than her father's lately. (His hours have been cut back to like 6 hrs a week.) Brought home a $260 check for the past two weeks a couple days ago.

She's very competent in that she can make her own meals (and often lunch for the whole crew.) But she is innocent to the point where she will probably not be able to get a job in the community any time soon. She's never met a stranger, and her motto is "We Aim To Please." So she'd go with anyone.

But no matter how often I tell her she didn't do anything to cause me to have surgery, she still feels bad. It's not her fault I'm wearing the neck brace. Still every night she creeps into our room before she goes to sleep and comes up on the bed and puts her arms around me and says, "I'm sorry, Mom."

I'm blessed to have her as my daughter. But I sure wish I could clear her conscience.

Why we keep our kitchen locked

Nobody gets in our kitchen unless the are responsible enough to have a key Here's why:

This AM Jeremy broke into the den, which is open to the kitchen and also has a locked door with the same key. It's a hollow core door and certain individuals who do not rate a key have figured that if they punch a hole through the panel under the doorknob that they can get in by scootching their arm through.

So when my husband finally got wind of Jeremy in the kitchen he went in there and found that Jeremy had toasted a bagel and put butter on it, eaten most of a carton of chocolate ice cream and had three eggs laid out to take. When asked what he was gonna do with the eggs, he just said "Put them in my pocket." I think he thought they were hard boiled.

When asked where the rest of the ice cream went, Jeremy says he gave it to William. Nice of him, don't you think??

Consciousness is Beautiful

We take consciousness for granted until we lose it.

I did not do well after the spine surgery on Thursday. Perhaps it was the length of the surgery, I don’t know. Thursday is a blank, and although I thought I was doing well on Friday and Saturday, apparently I wasn’t. My husband will say, “Don’t you remember this?” and I draw a complete blank.

Anyhow, the decision was made (without me, but I trust my DH completely) to put me in a nursing home. [A rehabilitation center. She was having trouble walking and swallowing.] So I came here Saturday. They apparently changed my dressings yesterday, but I don’t remember that. Today I got up deciding I was at least going to be able to get in the wheelchair and go to the bathroom by myself, a task which I have completed.

Supposedly, I’ll have PT tomorrow. My goal is to get home ASAP.

Note to friends: Before anyone chooses a rehabilitation center for you, MAKE SURE IT HAS WI-FI !! [This place doesn't.]

(Typed by Amy’s Loverboy on a real [home] computer.) [He added the bracketed comments.]

Surgery Time-Only in a Large Family

Well, tomorrow is the dreaded day I have my surgery. It was funny this AM listening to my husband and my eldest daughter, Wendy, discussing how we were going to get ME to the hospital at 5:45 AM and get her to our house for child care (well none of the 9 at home are really children, but still need supervision.)

She's a DJ and will probably be up until like 4 AM so she'd be coming here with no sleep. So the discussion involved how to have someone here for the kids who has actually had some sleep, while getting me to the hospital while Dad was here to get Jay up and bathed and dressed (he has spina bifida) and then how to get Dad to the hospital so that we don't have two cars sitting there which would require complicated means to get both cars home.

We were talking about how Jon could get up early and drive me there, which we nixed, Or I could drive there myself and Dad could come down after Wendy got there, after getting some shuteye. Or since Justin has the day off, having Justin come over early to watch the kids until Wendy got there...

So complicated. Wendy said "I think we need an event planner." And I thought, only in a large adoptive family...

My computer is leaving today with my son Justin for a fix at Office Depot where Justin is assistant manager. They have a system where they have expert geeks at corporate plug into your computer and fix everything that's wrong with it, and there is a LOT that must be wrong with this thing. I"m a geek myself and I haven't been able to fix it. It takes literally 30 minutes to reboot and at least that long to open programs. Can't run a business that way.

I just figured I wasn't going to be up to using the thing for at least a few days so this was the perfect time to do it.

I know a couple of you have my phone number, so give a call tomorrow afternoon for an update. Wish me well, and say a little prayer for me. :)