My Dusty Heart

All Growed Up

2011-08-11T14:08:00.003-04:00

I've always said that since "normal" kids grow up and move on, so my mentally and physically disabled children would also move on when they reached 18.

Well, they are "All Growed Up." Jay, the "baby" turned 18 om July 28.

We are in the process of getting all 9 of the remaining adult kids into supported living apartments. It's really cool how it's coming together. The oldest three will go into a 3 bedroom apartment probably around September 1. Then Oct 1 the next three and Nov 3 the third group of three.

All 3 apartments are in the same complex and the complex is wonderful. It's newer and the apartments surround a lake and there is a big pool, and the boys are excited about the exercise equipment room!

We've managed to get them all into first floor apartments so that the boys with spina bifida can visit everyone else. So now we've got to furnish all three apartments (with no funding for THAT PART.) The state funds only the staffing the apartments need to help the kids. When the kids are there, there is staff there also.

Everyone has a bed here, of course, but at least three of them need a new mattress. And we certainly don't have any extra/functional chairs, tables or sofas in this house. Everything has been beat to heck and is headed for the dump.

The kids will share the rent and use their SSI to do that. Some of them earn a small salary, too.

Some of the kids are sooo excited. Others haven't got a clue. I'll tell you who is excited: MY HUSBAND AND I! We haven't had any kind of freedom in 43 years. We're already planning vacations. Like to the Smithsonian, the Gettysburg Battlefield, St. Augustine...well that's as far as we've gotten. Although we've enjoyed being parents to so many kids, and would do it again (if a time clock were wound back to 1968, that is. I wouldn't now at age 64 want to start over!)

These apartments are only available because our kids got on Med Waiver. The biggest advice I can give a parent of a disabled child is GET THEM ON THE LIST FOR MED WAIVER IMMEDIATELY. Even if they are only 3 days old. It take many years to get your name to the top of the list. Don't wait until they are 18 to do that. Took our kids 15 or more years to get there. (I'm talking FL here, and I don't know how it works in other states, but find out now.)

We've applied for social security for my husband and I, and guess what? It's just as big a mess to get that done as SSI and medicaid. My husband's file got sent to Alabama for some reason, while we live in FL. Now the FL office has to get the AL office to release the file to them. Want to guess how long THAT is going to take?

We're not going to have a lot of income, but we'll survive. Having fun looking at grocery store "apartments for rent" magazines. The hard part is trashing out this big old house. So much stuff to go through. We'll have to sell the big 15 passenger van with the wheelchair lift. Jay can use Palm Tran Connections service. We recently purchased a super 2002 Chrysler Town and Country minivan, and that will do us fine for many years to come.

Anyone interested in a 4000 sq ft house on an 1.15 acre lot in South FL? 8 bedrooms and four baths, a 28 ft $30,000 kitchen, den, living room and playroom. Wheelchair ramp, too? Cheap because it needs repairs. Probably appraise for about $150,000-180,000.

I'm rambling on. but then again, I probably won't post again for another year or at all. Facebook has killed blogging. Only two of the large adoptive family blogs I read now post regularly.

(Thanks, Cindy and Claudia,)

School starts again on the 23rd of August, but only for a few kids. Three work at the Habilitation Center. Two will go to the Goodwill transistions academy and three will go to a regular high school. They can go until they are 22. One daughter is going thru voc rehab to get a job.

It's a very busy time, but exciting, too. Our lives are about to change in marvelous ways. One of my daughters who is almost 20 says "I am SO ready to move out." My son Matt begs me every day to let him pack for the apartment. He's 26.

I'm sure that our family is not done with drama by a longshot. But it's going to get a lot less hands on for us. It's going to take a lot of getting used to for all of us, but especially for my husband and I.

Pray for all of us. I'll pray for you, too. I'll pray that when you reach my age that things will fall into place as easily as they have for us. It's been a great ride, and a lot of work. But, whoa, what a feeling that we can be (somewhat) FREE!

From Neale Donald Walsch Today

2011-02-09T16:31:00.002-05:00

I love Neale's daily messages:

On this day of your life, Amy, I believe God wants you to know...

.that everything you see, hear, touch, taste, smell, or

sense in any way is an aspect of Divinity.

It is when you judge it to be something else that it shows

up as something else in your life. Therefore, judge not,

and neither condemn.

For that which you judge, judges you; and that which

you condemn will condemn you. Yet that which you see

for what it really is will see you for what you really are.

And therein will be found your peace.

www.nealedonaldwalsch.com

Pro Lifers for Mass Murder

2011-01-25T10:31:00.004-05:00

Now I went to seminary, was a Presbyterian pastor for a while, until the end of the Vietnam war and we started adopting special needs kids. I believe in a loving God. One who values all life. But I've always had some problems with the ethics of ProLifers. This article says it all. Prolifers are largely a hypocritical group.

Pro-Lifers for Mass Murder

by Laurence M. Vance

Recently by Laurence M. Vance: Am I Being Unfair to the Republican Liberty Caucus?

"Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh."(James 3:10-12).

Pro-lifers are dedicated to the idea that God values all human life, they are committed to educating women about the dangers to their physical and emotional health if they undergo abortions, they are relentless in pointing out the horrors of abortion – and they are some of the most bloodthirsty warmongers on the planet.

Beginning in 1984, the Sunday in January closest to January 22 has been designed by many pro-life and religious organizations as Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. This is designed to coincide with the anniversary of the infamous Roe v. WadeSupreme Court decision in 1973 that overrode most state abortion statutes and effectively made abortion a fundamental constitutional right.

Every year on Sanctity of Human Life Sunday churches of all denominations observe this day with special sermons, prayers, and presentations, testimonies from former abortionists, recognition of pro-life organizations, denunciations of pro-choice politicians, Planned Parenthood, and the Roe v. Wade decision, calls for legislation to restrict abortion, and distribution of anti-abortion literature.

As both a Christian and a steadfast opponent of abortion (see my articles "For Whom Would Jesus Vote?" and "Is Ron Paul Wrong on Abortion?" and "The Pro-Life Assault on Ron Paul and the Constitution"), I sympathize with the pro-life cause. But I go much further than the typical pro-lifer. I don’t think abortion is okay after the third trimester; that is, I believe in the right to life for everyone – including adults and foreigners.

How many churches on the recent Sanctity of Human Life Sunday mentioned the right to life of countless numbers of Iraqis and Afghans who have been killed by American bombs and bullets in unjust wars instigated by the United States? How many churches mentioned the right to life of U.S. soldiers who have died in vain and for a lie in senseless foreign wars? If the pro-lifers in churches that observed Sanctity of Human Life Sunday care about innocent children then surely they mentioned children in Iraq and Afghanistan who have lost their parents because of the U.S. waging war on their countries, children born with birth defects due to the U.S. military using depleted uranium, and children in Iraq killed by brutal U.S. sanctions? Surely they mentioned the orphaned and emotionally scarred children of dead and injured U.S. soldiers?

Although some churches may have mentioned these things, I suspect that the number is rather small or, in the case of most evangelical churches, very insignificant. And if it be argued that the churches that observed Sanctity of Human Life Sunday should be excused because the day is just about abortion then what about the rest of the year? Do not adults have the same right to life as unborn children? Do not foreigners who are not a threat to this country have the same right to life as American babies? Do not U.S. soldiers have the same right to life that other Americans have?

But in some churches it is even worse. Not only is no mention ever made of these things, the U.S. wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are defended and celebrated. Although they may call themselves evangelical churches, they are warvangelical churches. They are churches that worship God and venerate the institution of the military; they are churches that preach Christ and promote warmongering Republican politicians. They are pro-lifers for mass murder.

It is only natural that most pro-lifers love Republican politicians. At the Family Research Council’s Values Voter Summit held in Washington DC this past September, Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN) was the top choice of conservative activists. This same group named abortion as the top issue they were concerned about. Pence was also the top pick for vice president.

The German Nazis fought for the fatherland. The Soviet Red Army fought for the motherland. Mike Pencewants Americans to fight for the homeland. He "supported creation of the new Department of Homeland Security, the largest reorganization of the government since the beginning of the Cold War." Because of the Department of Homeland Security, "our ability to defend the homeland is more effective, efficient and organized." Pence is a committed supporter of the bogus war on terror. He even repeats the ridiculous canard that "we must take the fight to the terrorists overseas so we don’t have to face them here at home."

The runner up to Pence in the Values Voters straw poll was the former preacher Mike Huckabee, who won the top spot last year. Huckabee not only supported the sending of more troops to their death in Iraq, he actually maintained that we should not withdraw from Iraq because "we are winning." This advocate of perpetual war in the Middle East had only one criticism for Bush regarding his handling of the war in Iraq: he was too timid and not sufficiently bloodthirsty.

Pence and Huckabee are no different from DeMint, Romney, Gingrich, Giuliani, McCain, Graham, Palin, and Santourm – they are all ardent supporters of war, empire, and police statism. Yet, any one of these individuals would get the support of most evangelicals as long as they played the pro-life card. Once a Republican candidate passes a pro-life litmus test (applied to just American babies), nothing else about them seems to matter. They could call for bombing Iran, Pakistan, or Yemen back to the Stone Age and it wouldn’t change anything.

Why are pro-lifers so indifferent to, and in some cases so defensive of, war, militarism, and nationalism? I think the main reason is ignorance. Ignorance of the Republican Party. Ignorance of U.S. foreign policy. Ignorance of history. Ignorance of the military. Ignorance of the Bible they profess to believe. This is especially true if all one does is listen to SRN News on radio, watch Fox News on television, and read news by the American Family Association on the Internet. The importance of LewRockwell.com must here be mentioned. I have lost count of the number of Christians that have written me about how LRC has been instrumental in changing their thinking.

Pro-lifers should be just as concerned about their government sanctioning the killing of foreigners on the battlefield in an unjust war as they are about their government sanctioning the killing of babies in the womb in an abortion.

It is hypocrisy in the highest degree to talk about the sanctity of life and the evils of abortion and then turn around and show contempt for, or indifference to, the lives of adults and foreigners.

Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. Pro-lifers, these things ought not so to be.

January 24, 2011

Laurence M. Vance [send him mail] writes from central Florida. He is the author of Christianity and War and Other Essays Against the Warfare State and The Revolution that Wasn't. His newest book is Rethinking the Good War. Visit his website.

Christmas Peace and a Revelation

2010-12-18T11:42:00.003-05:00

I grew up in the 50's an 60's in working class Pittsburgh. I had 4 brothers and sisters. We absolutely loved the holidays. My mom would ask us what we wanted and she would buy it for our main present. Then she'd also buy us 3-4 other gifts (toys, not clothes) and then my grandmother from Scotland would come over and bring us gifts, too. She was born in 1898 and gifts when she was growing up were items of clothing.

Mom Mom would give us white full slips that we'd never use, but in her Scottish Christmases were something she only got then and were dearly appreciated. We'd also get something she had knitted for us, like a sweater, which was always nice.

My mother would give Mom Mom gifts that she probably never used, like scented soaps or bath powder.

Christmas was a time in my family which seemed like a dream. And because I can't give my own kids that kind of dream I've felt bad. This year each kid is getting a $20 gift and that's all we can afford. I've got a lot more than 5 kids here, and four grandsons as well. I can't remember the last Christmas present my husband or I got each other. So it tends to depress me.

But this year, I'm not letting it bother me. It helps that my kids are all MR (ok intellectually disabled -couldn't they have picked a shorter politically correct term?) My kids are so very happy with anything they receive. I swear I could go to the dollar store and buy them each a $1 figurine and they'd be happy.

I need to take their attitude and make it my own.

The greatest gift I have is my wonderful husband of 41 years. If I never got another gift in my life this would be enough.

The second greatest gift I've been given are my children. Sure there have been bad times, lots of CPS visits, jails, hearings and hospital stays. but I can't imagine my life without a single one of them. When I look past their problems, and the problems they have created, I see that innocent soul there. That God-sent spirit that no matter what is going on, still resides within them.

This year I'm happy just to dwell on that. The Holy Spirit resides in each one of them. I have to remind myself of that at times. The Holy Spirit runs through me as well. We all are part of that Holy Spirit, as if energized by the same electrical cord. We are One.

When I have bad feelings about them I am ignoring that fact that they are a part of God just as surely as I am myself. I need to keep expressing that unconditional love that runs through my veins. I need to brush off the negative crud and see them as children of God.

I've been able to do that with my dear sweet husband. Nothing he could do would even make me the slightest bit angry anymore. I'm beginning to be able to do that with each of my kids as well.

To see the people we love and live with as anything other than expressions of the Holy Spirit is to deny ourselves that profound peace found only in the love of God.

I can do this! I can do this! And that revelation is my greatest Christmas gift ever!

It's All About Forgiveness

2010-10-24T11:13:00.002-04:00

It's been a rough two and a half weeks. Sent me into a tailspin. So much more drama than we've ever had before, the potential consequences unbelievable. Ended up getting very depressed, saying things I shouldn't say, not doing things I should be doing.

It came to me yesterday, that quiet voice that brings truth, that in your heart you already know, but haven't been honoring.

Life is all about Forgiveness. It's about forgiving people who wrong you and yours and forgiving yourself. Both may seem difficult at first, but truly shouldn't be.

It's not up to me to change others. They have a life path that they are following, just as I have. I might be able to model what I personally would like to see in them, but it is their life path they are following. I need to forgive and not blame.

Forgiving myself is harder. But I'm working on that.

What To Tell The 911 Dispatcher

2010-10-17T11:43:00.002-04:00

Here's a heads up for all of you who have mentally handicapped or otherwise disabled children. When our child is missing or takes your car and you call 911 tell them "He is Autistic/has Down Symdrome. He doesn't understand, won't understand what you say to him. DO NOT SHOOT HIM!"

Wish I had known to add the last part. Never crossed my mind.

Crimes Against Your Family Home

2010-10-01T14:39:00.003-04:00

My big 8 bedroom 4 bath home was in foreclosure. We owed about $309,000 on it, and in today' s market it's worth less than $200,000. We were paying close to $3000 a month on it PITI.

Now, we could have just given it back to the bank, but where would we find another 8 bedroom house at a price we could afford? Nowhere. So we asked the lender for a loan modification backj in August of 2009. We made payments monthly.

In July of this year we decided that we were not going to get a loan modification. At that time through my work I heard about a small legal firm that had an impeccable track record of having your mortgage completely expunged. Like gone. As if there never had been one.

So in July we applied for help from this little company. It's now Oct 1. Last week we got notice that they were at the stage where they are asking the lender for a release of the mortgage and a summary judgment from the judge.

By this time next month that mortgage will be dead and gone.

The legal firm has you put a new mortgage (non qualifying) on the property at 50% of today's value. We'll make payments on that only. The firm also puts a lien on the rest of the property to secure their profit. We have to refinance or sell the house in 3-5 years, but that's OK as by that time we hope to have all the kids, who will be adults by then, placed into good group homes and assisted living facilities. We'll just sell and move on.

It's the only way that we could have stayed in this house. A short sale would have meant we HAD to move. Foreclosure would have damaged our credit so that at our ages we'd probably never be able to get another mortgage. Who's going to rent to a family with 9 special needs kids?

This works on any house where the mortgage is higher than the house is worth. It brings your payments way down and you get to stay in the home.

I'm posting this because I absolutely know that we can't be the only large adoptive family out there who has a home being threatened with foreclosure. I know the despair that I felt before this program came along. That despair has turned to peace. My HOME is safe.

This legal firm has expunged the mortgages of 200 homes out of 200 attempts. They want to stay quiet, because they could easily get overwhelmed with requests.

I'm trying to get the word out to a few friends. Don't give up hope. We can give you back your home and your peace, even if the final hearing is scheduled. Even if the auction has been scheduled. Just get in touch with me and I'll point you in the right direction.

Email Dustyheart @ hut18.com

While you're waiting, watch this video. It shows how bad things are. The feds, who are basically controlled by the banks, won't help you. They can't. This solution is so much better than anything the government could come up with, and quicker.

Slowing Shutting Down and Ramping Up

2010-09-01T17:19:00.005-04:00

After 41 years of parenting we're slowing heading toward the no kids part of our lives. It's a happy (almost gleeful) time and yet a sad one. We've raised a lot of great kids, gotten four beautiful grandsons and had a lot of fun times, and a lot of horrible ones as well.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Wendy is married to Jeff. Adam is married to Sandy. Meghan is married to Darren. Jon has a good job that he really likes and good friends. Amanda is living in a group home. Caitlyn is living in a group home. Matthew and Jennifer are working and will be applying for a group home soon.

Same for William. Just don't know how long he can continue to live with us old folks.

Emily and Danielle are attending the transitions academy and working part time (learning how to work at a job and keep it.) They'll both need to find a group home in the next couple of years. Jasmine lives in a group home. Robin NEEDS to be in a group home.

Ross will be graduating this year and will go to the Goodwill Transitions academy next year where he will learn how to take are of himself and work at a job. Jeremy will still be at Royal Palm School, but the good new is that they now feel that his behavior has improved that this year they will be taking him out for job training in the community. That was a surprise!

Jay, because he is in a wheelchair, will not be able to go to the Goodwill Transitions Academy because he cannot toilet himself. He's certainly smart enough and can learn a job, but they don't have the staff to take care of him there. He can, however, transfer to Royal Palm School and get job training.

We're thinking that we'll still have kids at home for another 2-3 years and then we're done!

Anticipating this new lifestyle I've started working again. Not at a job, really, but I've revived my corporation for doing real estate investments. I'm having a good time and anticipating some nice profits.

I work with a large CA investor company and I find houses in short sale for them to buy for all cash. I also work with a small legal company in OH that has had tremendous success at legally removing mortgages from people's homes, THIS is something I'm really excited about.

Working with short sales is depressing as so many people want to stay in their homes and that isn't legally possible with a short sale. We go in and have the mortgage legally expunged and replace it with a new loan at 50% of the actual current value. and the family can keep their home if they want to. Or sell. That's a real rewarding thing for me.

So here we are. Because we've raised kids for 41 years we have no retirement funds to speak of. But this is working. We're looking forward to a relatively kid-free time in our lives.

Severe Behavior Problems and Hyperthyroidism

2010-06-25T18:01:00.003-04:00

Image via Wikipedia

Since he started school my now 17 year old son Jeremy has been a holy terror at school, and at home. He's made teachers cry in frustration. So much so that when he was in middle school we had to have him moved to a county run program for MR kids with the highest level of behavior problems in the area. One on one, with in class behavior therapists. He was one of the worst they'd seen. They were able to calm him down some, but nothing worked at home.

Just one little slight or refusal of something would send him into furniture throwing, wall kicking clothes ripping, couch ripping, window breaking, door destroying rage. He'd start to breathe real fast and we'd know it was coming. And he's always been VERY strong.

About a year ago I started getting worried about his rapid breathing during sleep and the fact that he was always sweaty so we mentioned it to the pediatrician on one of his visits and she said we need to have his thyroid checked.

Now kids with DS are very frequently low in thyroid, or hypothyroid. But when she felt J's neck she found a huge goiter. I always thought he just had a thick neck, like a couple other of my DS kids.

She also said that fixing this might help his behavior problems. And fix them it did.

He started taking the pills to destroy some of his thyroid and his behavior changed. Not over night, but definitely improved. He gets monthly blood tests, and the MD said it would probably take a year or more to get him stabilized. Then he got too low, and she took away the meds for a month.

After a while he started acting up again. Not nearly as bad, but still troublesome. We though, bet his thyroid is high again, and it was. So he's back on the little pills again.

The alternative to the pills, and probably the preferable treatment, was irradiation of the thyroid gland. We opted not to do that because kids with DS have three times the chance of normal kids of getting leukemia in their lifetimes.

So moral of the story...if your DS kid, or for that matter ANY KID is driving you nuts think hyperthyroidism. We always figured that the peds would have checked that. But our new one never even touched his neck, let alone ran yearly Thyroid blood tests. And in our defense,who thinks of a kid with severe behavior problems and thinks, "I bet it's his thyroid!"

Life Lessons I've Learned from Spider Solitaire:

2010-04-21T08:10:00.002-04:00

Image by Sir Twilight King via Flickr

Life Lessons I've Learned from Spider Solitaire:

Even if you've lost 14 times in a row...you eventually WILL win again. Guaranteed. And it's all just a game, so just HAVE FUN.

Thank You God

2010-04-10T22:04:00.004-04:00

I'm 63 years old now. I am extremely happily married to the love of my life for 41 years. I have given birth to three loving children who are all now successful adults. I am Mom to 18 other wonderful kids whom we've adopted, most of whom are adults, successful or at least safe and happy, now as well. Four of them have entered into God's kingdom, a little too early for my liking, but I accept that.

Two of my children have provided me with four glorious grandchildren, that I have not been able to build anything other than a superficial relationship with, and that is the only thing in my life that makes me sad.

It's not always been an easy life, but all in all it's been something magnificent. All the hardships and difficulties pale in comparison to the joy I've been given. Watching newborn babies grow and learn about life has been a remarkable gift. Watching some marry and have children and construct a loving and golden life has been such a gift to me.

Watching some die has been a learning experience, and a sound lesson in love. Love that knows no end. But again, thank you, God, for those experiences as well. I"m a better person because of it.

It's all good. If I were to die today I'd not have many regrets. Regrets won't get me anywhere, but the love of my family will go with me anywhere I will go, even beyond this life.

Oh, so mysterious our lives seem when we are living them. How wondrous to look back on the years and see that it was all worth the while...and then some.

Six Little Ducks Went Out To Play

2010-03-25T09:30:00.003-04:00

Yeah, OK, so I haven't blogged in, well, forever. I've not had anything to say, I guess. Either that or Facebook took over my life. But I have something to say today.

My son, Will is 22 and has Down Syndrome, as do many of his siblings. He is not the brightest DS kid I have, but also not the slowest I've had, either. We've been talking a lot about getting the adult kids with DS into group homes, but it is SUCH a painful thing to even consider, let alone plan for.

For example. William loves the Wiggles. He has videos and DVDs he'll watch all the time. One of them has the Six Little Ducks went out to play song in it, where "only 5 of the little ducks came back."

He'll listen to that and get very sad. And when the song is over he'll come to me and say, "Ethan, gone. Fell on the floor. Dead." and then Jack, gone, Cocoa, gone," and down the line of all the pets we've had an lost. If he were older he'd also remember Christopher, Rebecca and Taylor who also left us too soon.

I remember them all, and the pain is always there lurking in the back of my mind and heart. Loss is hard for all of us, but more so for children who don't understand that there IS a life after death. That heaven is a real place, and not a scary place at all.

So it will always be with William. He'll always have the mind and heart of a four year old child. So think about it, moms, about how hard it would be to place your four year old son into a group home, or any home that isn't his own, and there you have my heartbreaking dilemma. How do I place my BABY into a group home?

It's not so hard to think about placing Matt and Jennifer into a group home. They are higher functioning and have friends and social activities. Matt actually begs us to let him move into a group home. He's 25. Robin, who is almost 20, is lower functioning than Will, and it will be hard for her, but I don't think as traumatizing as for Will. Nor will it be too hard on Danielle, Emily, Ross, Jay or Jeremy.

Theoretically, they will all be adults in the next year or two, but...

...a 22 year old four year old shouldn't have to face that, right?

Nine little ducks are about to go out and play. And Mom is crying.

IIWII

2009-12-02T10:43:00.007-05:00

Lately we've been hearing a resurgence of the old saying, "It is what it is." Now lots of people would say this is a doom and gloom type of saying, but I don't think that's so.

Say you have a nasty situation at home. If you say, and internalize, "it is what it is" it CAN be an incredibly freeing thing.

Freeing? You bet. IIWII (It is what it is) tell us that nothing is going to change it. In other words, no amount of angst on your part is going to have any effect. So why bother?

Simply stop the worrying about something that has happened. Stop the blaming. Stop the anger. None of that is going to change the situation. It isn't worth the effort.

Instead, think IIWII and think of how to improve the situation. And of it simply can't be improved or eliminated, than accept it. Without all the negative emotion.

Now that can be incredibly freeing.

I started doing this a few years ago. Now when someone breaks a window I just think it is what it is and send my husband out to get a new one. My being angry isn't going to restore that window. And, in truth, my being angry isn't even going to change the kid who probably did it (There are two probabilities in this family.)

I simply stay happy.

DH's response to things like this is to blow a gasket. Not me. IIWII. Don't waste the energy! Get on with it. Just do what has to be done and forget the angst.

You have no idea how freeing this can be. Try it.

My Artwork

2009-09-26T11:13:00.003-04:00

I do other thing.s besides being a wife and mom. One of my passions is digital art. Here's a quick sample of some of my older work:

Common Sense in Foster care

2009-09-14T13:31:00.002-04:00

OK, I realize that the term "common sense" and "foster care simply have no business being located anywhere near each other. But I have some ideas about the system.

Cindy in her post about something a friend of hers wrote touches on this. Her friend, like most of us large adoptive family moms, had been through the CPS nightmare and stated that unless you had the money to hire a "big bully attorney" you had no chance to fight CPS. True. But that isn't necessarily what this blog post is about.

Twice CPS has threatened to take our kids for damage to the house done by those same kids, and the lack of money/time to fix those things. Flooring ripped up, holes in the walls, etc. If you're reading this, you know what I mean. This put me in a unique spot and had gotten me thinking.

If they had been able to remove my kids, the emotional damage done to them would have been extraordinary. So much so that any foster or future adoptive family would have had one H*LL of a time managing them while they grieved, and they would grieve forever. The future of these kids would have been changed from rosy to untenable for young fragile personalities, all of whom are bonded well, because in the past 20 years we only adopted infants with Down Syndrome or Spina Bifida. Oh, and a superpremie crack baby got in there too. Breaking that bond with us would have destroyed them.

How much better would it be if children were left in their home and round the clock supervision were provided in home? A person to just BE THERE, to help out and to make suggestions. To teach parenting, if that needed to be done.

The kids wouldn't have to leave the parents they love. They would be safe and their lives wouldn't be abruptly changed to live with strangers. Life would go on without damage to the children's psyches.

Now,I realize that some parents would STILL screw up and some kids would still be removed, but if it saved the largest part of threatened children, then it would be a success. I mean, if the supervising lady said, hey that kitchen isn't safe or healthy, please clean it up (with the implied thought 'I can take your kids if you don't') surely a parent who loved their children would do it.

You say, it's too expensive? Oh no it isn't. Foster care and all that entails is way more expensive. And then there are the psychiatric bills that will always go along with a child removed from his own home. This plan would do away with the residential treament often needed with damaged children. No foster care, fewer damaged children.

Now this in home round the clock services would only work if the children were also granted access to medicaid, and money would be there to hospitalize severely disturbed children in the home.

A good solution all around, I think. Kids with a future, versus kids with nothing but torment in their future.

School Nurses

2009-09-11T10:12:00.005-04:00

So it's what, three weeks into the school year? Yesterday the county supervising school nurse was called in to look at Jay, who is 16 and has spina bifida and uses a wheelchair. He also has a vesicostomy, which is simply a hole directly into his bladder. No stoma, just a hole that serves as a release valve so that his urine doesn't back up into his kidneys.

He had loose stools and the teacher was concerned. So the county nurse told us she wanted us to take him to the UROLOGIST right away as he "might have a blockage."

Now if you're paying attention you'll see the stupidity here. Why on earth would I take the kid to a bladder and kidney doctor for loose stools?

So we asked if they wanted him taken home and they said no. HUH? They send kids home if they SNIFF.

And just now I get a call from the PHYSICAL THERAPIST wanting to know if we'd taken him to the urologist. I said no and why would I take a kid with loose stools to a urologist? She was snippy and said, well you have a nice day... And I see where this is going. Pretty soon the CPS people will be at my door.

My legal plan had better be in place by now...

(OK, for those who asked goto megamom's site and scroll down on the right and you'll see the link for the legal plan. It's cheap and provides you with a hotline to call when CPS is on your doorstep and get advice from am attorney who understands how these things work. Priceless)

The Innocense of Down Syndrome

2009-08-16T13:57:00.005-04:00

When I came home from the rehab center where I was being starved to death, my 24 year old daughter Jennifer came to me and put her arms around me and said, "I'm sorry, Mom. I won't do it again."

We all know that young kids often blame themselves for things that happen in the family, but we forget that even older kids can feel responsible, especially if that person has intellectual disabilities.

Jenny is a tiny young woman whose birth parents were from Taiwan and has Down Syndrome and has been in our family since she left the hospital. She works hard at the Habilitation Center and brings home a paycheck high than her father's lately. (His hours have been cut back to like 6 hrs a week.) Brought home a $260 check for the past two weeks a couple days ago.

She's very competent in that she can make her own meals (and often lunch for the whole crew.) But she is innocent to the point where she will probably not be able to get a job in the community any time soon. She's never met a stranger, and her motto is "We Aim To Please." So she'd go with anyone.

But no matter how often I tell her she didn't do anything to cause me to have surgery, she still feels bad. It's not her fault I'm wearing the neck brace. Still every night she creeps into our room before she goes to sleep and comes up on the bed and puts her arms around me and says, "I'm sorry, Mom."

I'm blessed to have her as my daughter. But I sure wish I could clear her conscience.

Why we keep our kitchen locked

2009-08-13T16:25:00.002-04:00

Nobody gets in our kitchen unless the are responsible enough to have a key Here's why:

This AM Jeremy broke into the den, which is open to the kitchen and also has a locked door with the same key. It's a hollow core door and certain individuals who do not rate a key have figured that if they punch a hole through the panel under the doorknob that they can get in by scootching their arm through.

So when my husband finally got wind of Jeremy in the kitchen he went in there and found that Jeremy had toasted a bagel and put butter on it, eaten most of a carton of chocolate ice cream and had three eggs laid out to take. When asked what he was gonna do with the eggs, he just said "Put them in my pocket." I think he thought they were hard boiled.

When asked where the rest of the ice cream went, Jeremy says he gave it to William. Nice of him, don't you think??

Consciousness is Beautiful

2009-08-02T19:37:00.002-04:00

We take consciousness for granted until we lose it.

I did not do well after the spine surgery on Thursday. Perhaps it was the length of the surgery, I don’t know. Thursday is a blank, and although I thought I was doing well on Friday and Saturday, apparently I wasn’t. My husband will say, “Don’t you remember this?” and I draw a complete blank.

Anyhow, the decision was made (without me, but I trust my DH completely) to put me in a nursing home. [A rehabilitation center. She was having trouble walking and swallowing.] So I came here Saturday. They apparently changed my dressings yesterday, but I don’t remember that. Today I got up deciding I was at least going to be able to get in the wheelchair and go to the bathroom by myself, a task which I have completed.

Supposedly, I’ll have PT tomorrow. My goal is to get home ASAP.

Note to friends: Before anyone chooses a rehabilitation center for you, MAKE SURE IT HAS WI-FI !! [This place doesn't.]

(Typed by Amy’s Loverboy on a real [home] computer.) [He added the bracketed comments.]

Surgery Time-Only in a Large Family

2009-07-29T13:41:00.006-04:00

Well, tomorrow is the dreaded day I have my surgery. It was funny this AM listening to my husband and my eldest daughter, Wendy, discussing how we were going to get ME to the hospital at 5:45 AM and get her to our house for child care (well none of the 9 at home are really children, but still need supervision.)

She's a DJ and will probably be up until like 4 AM so she'd be coming here with no sleep. So the discussion involved how to have someone here for the kids who has actually had some sleep, while getting me to the hospital while Dad was here to get Jay up and bathed and dressed (he has spina bifida) and then how to get Dad to the hospital so that we don't have two cars sitting there which would require complicated means to get both cars home.

We were talking about how Jon could get up early and drive me there, which we nixed, Or I could drive there myself and Dad could come down after Wendy got there, after getting some shuteye. Or since Justin has the day off, having Justin come over early to watch the kids until Wendy got there...

So complicated. Wendy said "I think we need an event planner." And I thought, only in a large adoptive family...

My computer is leaving today with my son Justin for a fix at Office Depot where Justin is assistant manager. They have a system where they have expert geeks at corporate plug into your computer and fix everything that's wrong with it, and there is a LOT that must be wrong with this thing. I"m a geek myself and I haven't been able to fix it. It takes literally 30 minutes to reboot and at least that long to open programs. Can't run a business that way.

I just figured I wasn't going to be up to using the thing for at least a few days so this was the perfect time to do it.

I know a couple of you have my phone number, so give a call tomorrow afternoon for an update. Wish me well, and say a little prayer for me. :)

Is Childhood Obesity Child Abuse?

2009-07-22T11:59:00.003-04:00

This article today really got me angry. Not at the mom,so much as at child protective services.

14 year old boy weighs 555 pounds. Yeah, not healthy. So CPS comes in and takes the boy away from his mother and puts him into foster care and charges her with FELONY CHILD NEGLECT.

So on top of an eating problem, the child now has been ripped away from his mother who loves him and whom he loves, and placed with strangers who may or may not treat him right, might even physically or sexually abuse him.

He will be subjected to case workers who are probably almost as young as he is and are not even married, and if so, might have no children or one perfect child at home.

Now the boy has psychological problems as well as obesity. And the citizens of his state have to pay for a bazillion bucks in court drama, hearings and casewook, and probably psychiatric care.

If CPS was a reasonable entity, they would instead have provided services to the family, Kept the tie with his mother and left him at home. They might have provided hospitalization for him, perhaps had a home health nurse come in and shop for food for the boy and cook meals for him.

Wouldn't that have been cheaper monetarily, less harmful to the child, and less costly to the state? Someone who could teach the mom how to make fat free menus and plan menus, how not to give in to the boy. Provide someone to stay with the boy at night when she works so he doesn't eat out of boredom.

They could have sent the mom to a nutritionist, hired a personal shopper. WHATEVER. But no, they take the route of arresting the mom for felony child abuse and take the boy away from everyone he loves and trusts.

CPS has only one mode of helping. Rip the child away and prosecute.

Read the whole article HERE

Dodged a Bullet

2009-07-19T11:36:00.003-04:00

I seriously dodged a bullet this week. For about a month and a half I've had serious pain and numbness in my right arm. So I went to my GP who sent me to a neurologist who sent me for an MRI, and then sent me to a neurosurgeon.

The neurosurgeon didn't like the MRI and sent me for another set at a different hospital. Now so far, this has cost me $100 in doctor copays and $200 in MRI costs...

Neurosurgeon says I need between 4 and 6 disks removed and bone taken from my hip and stuck in the space left by the disks, and metal things driven into my vertebrae to stabilize it all. (They go in from the front of the neck, and push the trachea and esophagus aside to get back to the spine. YUCK.)

But before he would operate I needed clearances from my cardiologist. So another $20 later I'm sitting in the Cardio office and he wants a stress test. Luckily he does it right away. (I already have three stents) So he brings me back into the room and shows me how no blood is getting to the lower part of my heart. He says I probably need a bypass, unless we can handle it medically.

BYPASS??? My two brothers have both had bypass surgery, so it's always been a fear lurking in the back of my mind. But wait a minute. First I needed cervical spine surgery, and now a BYPASS before I can get that???

So he sets me up for another cardiac catheterization. Now I'm a frequent flyer when it comes to catheterization, but the idea that he might send me right away for a bypass afterwards freaks me out.

Luckily, the cath shows that blood IS getting to the lower part of my heart. I'll have to ask him on Tuesday how that can be. But I'm certainly not gonna argue with the man. So he's signing the release. Of course, if past charges are the same as before I'll be stuck with about $1600 in cath copay bills. I just got done paying off the last one.

So I'm on for the neck surgery, but I have to go back to my GP for a clearance from her ten days from the surgery date. That's another $20. I can't wait to see my part of the bill for the actual 3-4 hour surgery coming up.

I'd do anything to get rid of this pain and numbness, and to regain the strength I've lost in tht arm. My only other choice is to spend the rest of my life on narcotics, which I'm not exactly wanting to do.

So I"ll be stuck in a hard shell neck collar for 6-8 weeks. But right now I'm saying PHEEWWW, I dodged a bullet. The cervical spine surgery looks easy compared to a bypass.

Life is GOOD.

Parents of Large Adoptive Family Killed

2009-07-10T19:27:00.003-04:00

FROM : http://news.aol.com/article/florida-couple-with-16-children-killed/566477

Our Worst Nightmare...

PENSACOLA, Fla. (July 10) - Investigators asked the public to be on the lookout Friday for a red van they believe carried three men involved in the deaths of a Florida Panhandle couple who were shot in their rural home while eight of their children slept.

Surveillance cameras showed the van at the home of Byrd and Melanie Billings in Beulah, a rural area west of Pensacola near the Alabama border, Escambia County Sheriff David Morgan said. The children were unharmed.

The sheriff's office released an enhanced but still grainy photograph of a red, 15-passenger van dating to the late 1970s or early '80s.

Morgan said investigators did not know who killed the wealthy couple known for adopting children with developmental disabilities, many born to drug-addicted mothers. But they said they wanted to question the three men suspected of involvement in the crime.

"It would be pure speculation. We see many random acts of violence now. We just don't know," he said.

Investigators are also awaiting autopsy results on the couple to learn more about the killings, he added.

Morgan said eight of the children, ages 8 to 14, were in the home when the couple was killed Thursday evening. A woman who lives in an outlying building and helps care for the children called emergency dispatchers from the home.

Deputies had to wake some of the children after they arrived, authorities said.

Investigators interviewed the children, who are now staying with other family members, Morgan said.

The Billings had 16 children, 12 of them adopted. They married 18 years ago and each had two children from previous marriages. The couple then began adopting children with developmental disabilities and other problems.

The couple owned several local businesses, including a fiance company and a used car dealership.

In a 2005 story in the Pensacola News Journal, the couple said they wanted to share their wealth with children in need, but didn't imagine their family would grow so large.

"It just happened," Melanie Byrd told the newspaper. "I just wanted to give them a better life."

Please pray for these children!

Continuation Day

2009-07-09T10:51:00.002-04:00

This is why I have no fear of anything. Neale Donald Walsch sums it up very well:

>>

On this day of your life, Friend, I believe God wants you to know...

....that there is a family reunion awaiting you, and you will be more overjoyed than you can now begin to imagine.

On the day you leave your body -- what I like to call your Continuation Day -- you will be greeted by everyone you have ever loved in any way for any reason...and, standing in front of the group, every person who has been so very dear to you. It will be a grand and glorious reunion, with joy and laughter and pure wonderment filling every heart and soul!

This has also been experienced by everyone who has ever left here -- all those who have gone before you -- of course. So do not grieve for them. They are so very happy! I'm not sure why you were meant to hear this on this particular day...but I bet you are...

Love, Your Friend....

http://www.nealedonaldwalsch.com

This life we are leading here is just temporary. No matter what life sends your way, you can handle it, knowing that the best is yet to come.

I'm Blessed

2009-07-07T22:44:00.005-04:00

You know, I live with six children who have Down Syndrome, Matt, 24, Jen, 24, Will, 21, Emily 20, Robin 19, and Jeremy, 16. Add in my beautiful daughter Danielle who is almost 18, who is a super premie (22 weeker) coke baby,and Ross and Jay, 16 year old spina bifida kids.

I just truly feel blessed to have these people as a part of my family. Tonight I'm sitting here at my computer, and dad has gone out for milk. I've had four people come out and ask me where Dad was and when he was coming home. They miss him already.

We've never had drug problems with this group of kids. None of them has ever snuck out a window in the middle of the night to go joyriding with their buddies. None of them has ever tried to smoke or drink. They listen to reason when you explain things (mostly!)

They are so happy to be together as a family. They enjoy their own company sitting around a table than anything else. Laughing and talking together.

They tell Dad and I daily that they love us. They aren't concerned about getting into college. They talk on the phone with their friends like any other kids. They go to parties with their friends. The adults get up and go to work, like every other adult around, without griping. In fact you have major trouble getting them to stay home when they are sick.

Waking them up is often difficult, but they all LOVE to go to school and work. They are not slackers. They do their chores without argument. They don't mind hand me down or thrift shop clothing. Fashion means little to them.

They will eat anything that's put on their plates. Including veggies, like broccoli and salads. They don't demand the latest gimos, and don't have to learn to drive a car.

They are HAPPY most of the time. And when they are sad, they accept our hugs and help.

My other ( normal) children from our first parenting efforts are all successful, two are married, with a total of four beautiful grandchildren. They have grown into amazing people that I'm proud to call my children. But they took far more out of me emotionally. Normal kids are scary to raise. So many ways for them to go astray or get hurt. But they all made it.

What the heck more could I want? I have a wonderful husband of almost 41 years whom I adore. A huge home that fits us. Food on the table and medical care when we need it.

Dear Lord, I am blessed. I am blessed beyond belief.

The family caravan

2009-07-03T16:34:00.002-04:00

Just got back from "lunch" at Max and Erma's. First time for us. As usual it took forever to get out of the house, then decided on who would go with which of the four drivers. Then the inevitable stop on the way in the police station parking lot to exchange drivers, and one particular misbehaving kid. But we all got there.

Thank God we have two handicapped stickers so it's easy to find parking. And once sitting, they were excellent, as per usual. This was only with 14 people, so not bad. and miraculously there was no need for another stop on the side of the road for kid exchange or anger management on the way home.

I do so like these real restaurant trips. The kids all behave beautifully, even wonder boy. I'm not real fond of the bill, though :)

If you get a chance to take the family to Max and Erma, they will let your big kids order from the kid menu, and the extra drinks are free. And we came away with about 12 new plastic cups!

When we were loading up in the parking lot the manager ran out and handed us a stack of free coupons for cookies or ice cream for next time. Hope he isn't holding his breath. It's not likely we'll do that again until, say, Thanksgiving...

What's wrong with this adoption story?

2009-06-15T22:07:00.004-04:00

This is a quiz for adoptive parents. How many things can you find wrong with this story?

I was reading a book by Barbara Delinski called "Suddenly." It's about a busy female doctor who is single and owns her own home. She is in practice with her best friend, also a female MD and another guy.

Her best friend, Mara, kills herself one night. She had been in the process of adopting a baby girl from India. After the funeral the heroine is cleaning out her friend's house when there is a knock at the door.

It's a lady who has brought the baby from India and because Mara didn't show up to pick the baby up at the airport, she has driven out to Mara's house. The heroine (whose name I can't recall, she was so impressive) tells the lady that Mara is dead. The heroine didn't even know her best friend was to get her new baby so quickly.

The social worker or travel lady tells our girl that she will have to take the baby back. Wait, she says, Can I be her foster mother?

The social worker says Oh I don't know. But since she is an MD, and therefore a good choice, the worker makes one phone call to headquarters and allows the baby to stay with this MD as the foster parent. She packs up the baby and takes her to her own home.

Now, this doctor also teaches track at a local private school. One of her students has gotten herself pregnant at I think 16, and he parents have dumped her. So this bright MD sees an opportunity and tells the girl she can live with her in exchange for child care.

So while the MD works long hours, goes to the private school and coaches running, and carries on an affair with the president of the school, this poor scared prego girl sits at home with the baby girl, from early AM until the wee hours of the night.

It was at this point that I threw in the towel.

OK, how many real life inconsistencies can you find?

$3100 for dental care for one kid?

2009-06-14T16:18:00.002-04:00

Friday my husband took Matthew, 24, who has Down Syndrome over an hour away out of the county to the only dental place who would knock him out, pull two teeth and fix 7 others.

He did fine, but man, it sucks to have to pay that much. I can think of TONS of things that we could have used that money for.

The problem is that while medicaid for kids has a wonderful dental program that fixes everything for no cost, the adult medicaid has a dental plan that will pull out tooth a year and fill one tooth with a silver filling only per year.

Dentists don't use silver anymore. We bought a dental discount card, but it only would have been of value if Matt could hold still for having two molars extracted and the other 7 drilled and filled.

Wasn't gonna happen. So we took all of the $2250 that we got through the government's economic recovery payment to people on SSI, and $850 of our own cash and had his work down in the next county.

Now I'm glad he got his teeth fixed. But I'm angry that adults with developmental disabilities who don't qualify for private insurance have to go without dental care. So many of the people who work alongside Matt and Jennifer at the Hab Center have missing teeth. I mean, if medicaid can do it for kids with disabilities, why can't they also do it for adults with disabilities?

My Happiness Depends on ME

2009-06-08T09:46:00.002-04:00

Found a quote this AM that helps me. So often I blame others for the way I'm feeling. If I'm angry or stressed I blame others, but it's not so.

"Tell everyone you know: "My happiness depends on me, so you're off the hook." And then demonstrate it.

Be happy, no matter what they're doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel -- and then, you'll love them all. Because the only reason you don't love them, is because you're using them as your excuse to not feel good."

Equestrian SPecial Olympics

2009-06-04T12:13:00.002-04:00

The end of May my husband and I escorted 6 of our kids to Tampa for the state equestrian event for special olympics. Matt, Jennifer, Emily, Robin, Danielle, and Jeremy went.

It was a pleasant trip over there by bus, where Emily got locked in the bathroom and couldn't get out. The driver didn't have the key to the bathroom so he had to take a screwdriver to the lock to get her out. She was frantic.

The hotel was great, but everyone was so tired by then end of the day, that we showered and hopped into bed and went right to sleep.

Special Olympics is a marvelous organization. Everyone is a winner. It's a great time for socializing with others and making new friends. I made a new friend there as well. A woman who runs some group homes locally brought a couple of her residents with her to the games.

This was good for me. I have had a real fear, no, call it dread, of my adult children going into group homes. We had always thought we'd simply turn this home into a group home eventually, but that probably isn't going to happen. Meeting Theresa was good for me, because I could see how happy her clients were and how well they were treated. And that she actually made sure that they participated in events like this. I think I can do it now.

It's never easy to have a child grow up and leave home. It's even harder when the child who is becoming and adult can't really take care of themselves. Knowing that there are loving homes out there makes it all easier.

Stress and Women-An Alternative to Fight or Flight

2009-05-26T10:51:00.004-04:00

Are you wondering why mothers of large adoptive families rely so heavily on their online groups? Read this study from UCLA.

They say it's chemical, but it's really a gift from God, who knew we'd need it.

An alternative to fight or flight

A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research---most of it on men---upside down. Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible, explains Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers.

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just fight or flight; In fact, says Dr. Klein, it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is release as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr. Klein, because testosterone---which men produce in high levels when they're under stress---seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to enhance it.

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic "aha" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded, says Dr. Klein. When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the two of us knew instantly that we were onto something.

The women cleared their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that by not including women in stress research, scientists had made a huge mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has significant implications for our health.

It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the "tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may explain why women consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. There's no doubt, says Dr. Klein, that friends are helping us live longer.

In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friends are also helping us live better. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight.

And that's not all. When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend and confidante were more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate. Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles researcher Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., co-author of Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships (Three Rivers Press, 1998). The following paragraph is, in my opinion, very, very true and something all women should be aware of and NOT put our female friends on the back burners.

Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women, explains Dr. Josselson. We push the m right to the back burner. That's really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience.

Taylor, S. E., Klein, L.C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R. A. R., & Updegraff, J. A. Behaviorial Responses to Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight" Psychol Rev, 107(3):41-429. (Full text of article in PDF format)

Geary DC, Flinn MV. Sex differences in behavioral and hormonal response to social threat: commentary on Taylor et al. Psychol Rev 2002 Oct;109(4):745-50; discussion 751-3

A Painless Graduation

2009-05-21T17:52:00.002-04:00

In our 39 years of parenting we've attended a heck of a lot of graduations. Of course you are there for you child, but they can be trying, too.

First there is the traffic and long wait to get seated. Then the stand in line that leads around the convention center twice.

Then there are the long directions:

Please don't yell and scream or use noisemakers or air horns when you student is announced (like that is going be obeyed.) Don't stand on the chairs. Don't run up the aisle with your camera, blah blah. You have to listen to a couple guest speakers who go on and on, long speeches from the head of the school district, long messages from the principal, the salutatorian, the valedictorian, "reflections" from another student. Then there is the choir singing the school alma mater, and the band playing.

Then, of course is the parade across the stage to get the diploma and shake hands with a bunch of dignitaries. And the brief moment when you see your beautiful daughter walk across the stage. Well, you only see her on the big screen above the stage, because you are so far away and everyone is seated on a flat floor.

Then you have to try to find your graduate, find your car, sit in line to get out... I mean yes it's worth it to see your child up there graduating, but normally it takes 2-3 hours to get through.

This year the school district, in an effort to cut costs, is holding ALL the graduations at the county owned convention center. So for Danielle's graduation, she had to be there at 6:30 AM for the 8 AM ceremony.

They cut the guest speakers, limited all other speeches to like 10 minutes and then moved all the graduates through the line on the stage ( a little over 500 of them) and managed to get it done in one hour exactly. We were amazed.

We took Danielle out to breakfast at McDonald's. Then at 9 PM she went to the class graduation party, which is a lock down at the school until 2 AM. This to cut down on all the deaths by car that happen late at night after graduation.

Now, Danielle is intellectually disabled, and she was the only Special Ed student at the party, and no parents were permitted. We were kind of shaky on it. But the school nurse said she'd watch out for her. And Danielle spent the evening in the company of the class president, a wonderful girl who had volunteered in that classroom.

I don't think Danielle ever had a more wonderful day. And the way the students included her in their evening festivities was superb. I'm so proud of her.

Losing a Child

2009-05-17T09:07:00.002-04:00

I have been watching a British tv series through Netflix's watch instantly on your computer feature. I'm up to episode 6. It's called "Monarch of the Glen" and it's about a contemporary Laird's family and how they go about trying to save their estate.

On one of the episodes the mother of the main character was telling another woman about losing her 18 year old son years ago to drowning. The other woman told of having lost an infant years ago. Then the older woman made a comment, "It changes you forever, doesn't it?"

And I sat there and thought Yes, it does. I've lost four children over the years, and the hurt never goes away. I am so not the same woman I'd be today if those four kids hadn't gone to heaven.

Losing a child changes a mother in ways that women who haven't been through it will never understand.

And it makes absolutely no difference that the children were adopted. In some ways it makes it worse, in that you know you were given a gift, and that somehow you should have been able to keep that gift alive. One woman at the funeral of my first son who died made the comment "At least he wasn't one of your own." Such a hurtful comment, and probably the main reason we don't do funerals anymore.

People who haven't adopted a child also don't know that an adopted child IS your child 100%. They simply can't know that, now, can they?

It is wonderful, yes, that I know that those children are safe in heaven, and that someday I'll see them again. But I am changed forever.

I can only guess at the pain a mother feels when her adopted children are removed by CPS. How much worse it must be to not know who is caring for your child, how frightened they must be and you can't do anything to help them. You don't know anything about the people caring for your child. Are they being abused?

My heart goes out to those mothers whose lives have forever been changed by CPS. And I will never say that I understand. I haven't been there.

But what I can say for sure is that losing a child does change a woman forever . The old you goes away with the child, and the new you is a being you would never have expected to see.

What would you do to save the life of a dying child?

2009-05-03T11:22:00.003-04:00

How far would you go to save the life of a child?

Would you do a simple cheek swab?

Now you might be thinking that this particular child lives far away from you. But the truth is that there are hundreds of children, moms, dads, daughters and sons who need a bone marrow transplant near you! And marrow can be transported just like donor hearts and kidneys.

What if it were YOUR child who needed a bone marrow transplant to survive? You can say, well, it isn't, Thank God. But just because you can't see the face of a child in need doesn't mean that there isn't a child who needs you right now.

If eventually you are matched with a person in need, bone marrow donation is a simple procedure, done with anesthetics. It is NOT surgery. Wouldn't you go that far to save the life of a beautiful child like Kai?

Call the number below to be sent a cheek swab kit. You just rub the swab inside your cheek and mail it back in. Maybe there never will be a child you can save. But, again, perhaps you WILL get to save the life of a child.

1-866-340-3567
And If you have a BLOG, Let's start a revolution!
Please post this youtube video by pasting the embed code for this video into your own blog. Go Here for the embed code.

We Didn't Walk Away

2009-04-25T10:23:00.003-04:00

Large adoptive families often take a bad rap. We get reported to child protective services, most of us, once or twice a year for really stupid things, and for vindictive reasons. It's hurtful. It scares the cr*p out of our kids, and sometimes it totally destroys a family.

People think we do what we do because we have some ulterior motive. That we're secret pedophiles, or that we do it for the money (Yeah, right...)

Or we do it for the glory. (What glory is there standing up in front of a judge? or being put down behind our backs by people we thought were our friends and family?)

But we all have one thing in common that we need to remember in those hard times.

We saw a problem, and we didn't walk away.

This short video, made by a guy with his cell phone camera, got me to thinking about this. It's called "Mankind Is No Island."

Things Scarier Than a Clown

2009-04-24T12:05:00.002-04:00

I finally got this birthday card scanned. It was given to me by my daughter, Wendy, who being my oldest child, knows me better than any of my other kids. Inside the card it says "May you enjoy a clown-free birthday."

For some reason that nobody in the family can pin-point, my two sisters and I have always feared clowns. She also gave me another card that was beautiful and thoughtful. Some of my kids always give me two cards-a funny one and one they spend about an hour looking for.

Me, on the other hand, I never remember to get cards for any occasion. I'm trying to change that, though.

Dancing Rabbit Eco Village

2009-04-23T10:26:00.003-04:00

How would you like to live in a home that got it's power from wind and the sun, eat locally grown produce, enjoy the countryside and build a community, in the real sense of the word?

First off, you might think of the communes of the 1960s and 70s, but this is something quite different.

At Dancing Rabbit Eco Village a group of about 40 individuals have settled to live off the grid in a sustainable village where people build their own homes, eat local produce and grow their own food, are guardians of the land.

Read about it HERE

FTC to regulate "Mommy Blogs"

2009-04-17T10:24:00.003-04:00

If you recommend or review products on your blog and receive monetary compensation from this activity, you must disclose that you are making money from it, or that you are an affiliate for that product if this law passes.

Why they are targeting the so called "Mommy blogs" I don't know.

More info here: http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=320203 (and NO, I didn't get paid to put this link here.)

Life on Planet Zork

2009-04-12T14:40:00.002-04:00

So...after waiting several years for the money to get new glasses for myself, I was psyched about going to Walmart to pick them up yesterday morning. My husband had previously loaded up the big van and had taken all the kids off to their riding lessons at the therapeutic riding center.

Realizing my phone was dead I plugged it in to recharge and then I drove to Walmart and picked up my new glasses. YAY! While I was there I found two nightgowns for myself, each costing $8. I was having a great time out by myself, but I needed to get home to feed the dogs.

Almost as soon as I got home the phone rang (not my cell-the other phone.) It was my husband and all he said was "I need your assistance." I assumed I needed to talk Jeremy down from something, but he said no, just to meet him just south of Orange Grove Blvd.

Of course I'm thinking CAR WRECK. He had refused to elaborate, just said to come. So I got back in the little van and drove down to Orange Grove. The big van was sitting on the side of the road with blinkers on. I pulled off and got out of the car and then I saw Jeremy sitting on the sidewalk, my husband standing beside him and a police officer talking on a radio.

I learn that Jeremy had been acting up in the van and had thrown one of his riding boots out of the car. So Dad had to stop the car to get it back, when Jeremy opened the car door and plopped down on the sidewalk and refused to move.

So I don't know WHAT the cop was thinking. Probably, Is this white guy trying to kidnap this African American kid? So, anyway, I knelt down besiude Jeremy and began the sweet talk that sometimes is the only thing that makes him comply after he blows up. Then two more police cars pull up. I thinking NICE WORK, JER!

I finally get him to agree to get up and come home with me in the little van. So he stands up and says, with a final effort at defiance, that he's going home with Dad in the big van. She he gets in and heads home, leaving me with the police officer.

I tell him that Jeremy is severely behavior disordered and attends the county's highest level school for MR kids with severe behavior problems. He says, yeah your husband told me.

So I get in the car and come home, where it's as if nothing had ever happened with the boy. He's fine. Like a switch flipping off.

The rest of the day is uneventful. It could have been worse. In fact HAS been worse at times. Just our life on a different planet from most parents'.

Better Homes And Gardens NOT

2009-04-10T08:35:00.003-04:00

Last night before bed I was reading the new issue of Better Homes and Gardens. Inside was a story about a young couple and their three perfect little blond headed girls and how they had decorated their home.

The wife, Ashley, was quoted as saying "There's really nothing here that the kids could destroy."

This sent me off on a laughing spree. You just don't have the right kind of kids, Ashley. Let me tell you what 9 mentally disabled kids can do with your home.

How about those three pretty round metal legged glass table you use in place of a coffee table? My kids would break the glass in a day, and then one or two of them would pick them up and throw them just for fun.

How about the white slipcovers on your sofa and loveseat? In my house we'd have a LOT of trouble just keeping them ON the furniture, and anyway, I'd have to remove them at least twice a week to wash them. Not worth the effort. Better to have dark leather furniture that doesn't show dirt.

And what's with those wicker and rattan dining room chairs? In a large adoptive family they wouldn't have a chance! Someone would pick at them until a big hole resulted, and then they'd move on to the next chair. That's why we have cheap metal dining room chairs (And yet they get broken, as when knocked over the wood seats get knocked off.)

And Ashley, those pretty ceramic pieces with greenery in them on the mantel? Come on. No way. And you pretty antique looking persian area rug on top of you larger sisal carpet...I have a kid who would find a thread in that Persian thing and keep at it until the whole rug was threadbare. And natural fiber in a carpet? That surely wouldn't stand up to spills.

Those two huge upside down glass encased candle chandeliers? I groan at the thought of cleaning that glass up after a month here. Then I look at the walls, not one hole, not one broken window waiting for the money to get it repaired.

And yet, I wouldn't trade my unstylishly unfurnished and constanly in need of repair home with Ashley's for a mint of money. Because my home has something hers doesn't. MY KIDS!

A Bodie Day Here

2009-02-14T16:26:00.004-05:00

Our days usually are calm, unless Jeremy gets in a snit. Today I felt like Cindy must on a lot of her bad days. Dad and J got into a battle. J wanted the big screen TV sound up as far as he could get it. and Dad was trying to read a book. So eventually Dad turned off the tv altogether.

This set the boy off.. Ripped the round wooden top off one of our three dining tables and threw it across the room, then the wooden seat off one of the metal chairs went, too.

It looked like he was calming down, but the minute our backs were turned a metal chair (very heavy) went sailing right into the one year old 50 inch HDTV' screen.

Well that TV is shot. So then he goes out to the playroom and takes the 39 inch old tv off the entertainment unit in there and throws it to the floor. Another tv bites the dust. At least it's an old clunker.

At this point I have everyone locked in their rooms (locks are on the inside...don't want you to think I'm not letting them out...just keeping Jeremy out of their rooms and away from their tvs.

I sure wish Jeremy's teacher could have witnessed this rage. Just two days ago at Jeremy's IEP he was extolling the virtues of this amazing kid who never does any wrong. (Except for stealing people's cell phones and stuff like that...)

This is the first day in many months where I thought I was living in Cindy's house. This is the worst he's ever been. Hey, Cindy...I bet you don't wanna do respite...

about "Octo Mom"

2009-02-10T10:14:00.001-05:00

read: http://www.parentdish.com/2009/02/09/octuplet-mom-has-no-idea-what-shes-doing-says-grandma/

I don't know the woman who is being called "Octo Mom", but I know that having a lot of infants to care for plus a lot of slightly older kids CAN be done.

I think the media and the world is assuming again that if you have that many kids, then you must be crazy.

I adopted 6 newborns in the stretch of 6 months, along with 15 other kids who ranged in age from 2 to 18. All but three handicapped. The infants were all handicapped as well. I had no help, other than DH. I lived in an 1800 sq ft home. Two of my kids were terminal.

Yeah, I was tired, but I was incredibly fulfilled.

At one point a couple years later (by CPS orders) I DID have to go see a psychiatrist to see "What is wrong with you that you adopted so many children.) The shrink said I was of high intelligence, college educated, had a stable marriage and that I was very stable mentally.

There have been times, though when CPS was involved, that if my kids had all been normal, that I'm 100% certain that they would have taken them away. If there had been waiting homes for them, they would have been gone. So having medically and mentally involved kids really helped there.

Like I said, I don't know this lady. I know her mother is tired of parenting and has a right to say, NO I don't want to parent anymore kids. But why can't the community step up and help her out like they do for triplets, quads and quints? Oh, wait a minute-she must be nuts to have so many kids.

And then there is the thing about being asked to kill off several of the babies so there would be fewer born. I personally could never do that. NEVER. Perhaps we should write this lady a letter of support. Or at least send a letter to the editor.

Pics from the Horse Show

2009-02-08T11:18:00.013-05:00

Our kids participated in a horse show at the therapeutic riding center where they take lessons. This was last saturday. Just got some pix. So here they are:

Jeremy, 15, our dear friend Karen and our friend Jessica

Ross, 16 and Ruth the Director

Emily, 21 and Ruth, the Director

Robin, 18

Ross, 16

Matt, 24

Jenny, 23

Jay, 15

Danielle, 17

The only one missing is Will, 21. Will won't get on a horse. He did TOUCH one the other week, though. If you have special needs kids, and can get funding for lessons at a therapeutic riding center, do everything you can to get them there. It does so much for their self esteem, courage, and had physical benefits as well. But most of all it's just plain FUN!

The kindness of others

2009-02-08T11:08:00.002-05:00

OK, I know I haven't posted lately, but, unlike some moms, like Cindy and megamom, we don't have the severe problems that we used to have.

This morning we did a rare thing - we took ten kids out to Denney's for breakfast. Three booths in a row. Everyone ordered from the children's menu, even though they are all teens or adults. The full breakfast is just too much food for anyone IMHO.

Remarkably, Jeremy was excellent. I made him promise to be quiet and behave, and wonder upon wonders, he was wonderful. He did get down on his hands and kneew and ask the pretty waitress to marry him. And kissed her hand. (Watches too much Shrek)

A lady about my age walked by and asked the standard question: Are you from a group home? I said no, thqat these were all our kids we'd adopted. She asked how many total kids and I said 17. She was so impressed with the behavior of the kids that she pulled out her wallet and handed me $36 cash. That was a surprise.

Yesterday at Publix where my husband bags groceries, a man in the parking lot asked for help in finding his wallet. So DH helped him look around and took him inside to the lost and found. Not there, so he went on his way.

A few minutes later the guy pulls up in his truck next to DH and gives him $10 for helping him.

So, the two kind people paid for half our breakfast this AM. It's nice to know that people are still good hearted, even in these hard economic times.

When it's over, it's over

2009-01-15T10:37:00.002-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've have to create a website for pay for someone and another one for myself to make money. This wouldn't have taken as long if 1. I hadn't needed a new computer right away and 2. that new computer hadn't had VISTA, which is taking some time to get used to and 3. My old copy of Dreamweaver MX (web page editor) hadn't had a glitch that made it impossible to do TABLES. OK, if you aren't a web designer you probably don't get the importance of that. But it's BIG.

The Christmas decorations were mostly down a week after the holidays, but the tree was still up. The decorations and lights were off. So one night about 3 AM Will got up and DEMANDED that his father take the tree outside.

Will is a "When it's Over , it's Over" kind of guy. Unfortunately he's also the kind of guy who will start asking when if Christmas is coming anytime soon right away. :)

It's cold here today, which is unusual where we live. Not freezing or anything, that happens rarely. Maybe twice since we've lived here. I never regret coming south. There are so many benefits, the best of which is NO SNOW.

Other benefits are only one set of clothing. No need for winter clothes and summer clothes. Jut a lightweight jacket or sweatshirt. No boots, hats, gloves. No tires slipping on ice. No need to scrape windshields. No snow days (OK we do get an occasional hurricane day or tropical storm day, and if we get a bad hurricane that does some damage here, it's just the priuce we pay.)

When we lived in Pittsburgh, PA the skies were always overcast. No, not smoky. That hasn't been the case in Pittsburgh for decades. Here the skies are always filled with white puffy clouds, or cloudless with the most perfect clear blue sky.

It's so much easier to handle other problems when the weather is good all year round. So much easier to maintain a postive outlook. The only thing I miss is the sense of history. Nothing is old here. And old house here might be one built in 1930 or 50. But I can deal.

Air Quality in YOUR Child's School

2009-01-02T20:18:00.002-05:00

Here's a an interesting site that tells you exactly how bad the air is inside any school. Type in the school name and city and state and see how bad the air is that your children breathe during school hours.

http://www.pnj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200881209015

Post here what the percentile of your children's school is. My kids' high school ranks at 68th percentile for good air. Could be worse, could be better.

Merry Christmas AGAIN

2008-12-30T10:04:00.002-05:00

Here's a great quote from Neale Donald Walsch (gotta love this man!) You can subscribe to his daily messages at http://www.nealedonaldwalsch. com

On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know...

....that the birth of God's son is celebrated today.

Yes, I know, you think that Christmas is over. The day

has passed. But the birth of God's son--and God's

daughter--is celebrated every day. For every day on

which a child is born, God's Child is born.

You and I are as much God's Begotten as Jesus. And

Jesus would be the first person to tell you that. Indeed,

has was a person who told us that.

The Christ is born in all of us this day, and these are glad

tidings of comfort and joy.

Love, Your Friend....

Every human being has a soul that is an extension of God. It is the pure energy of Love, which IS God. Even the most despicable person on earth has the spirit of God inside him/her. They just don't recognize it. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love them. He does! And that's what should make it easy for us to love our enemies. When you do ANYTHING to or for another living person, you are doing it TO God. Which is why Jesus said "Love your Enemies."

God always was and always shall be. He cannot be destroyed, just like energy can never be created or destroyed. When someone dies, their spirit, or energy, simply withdraws from a body that no longer works. There is no death of the human spirit, which IS the spirit of God. Just the body, which is no more than clay.

About Death

2008-12-28T10:50:00.002-05:00

This topic seems weird, I know, just after a joyful Christmas, but one of my friends from a list I am on is dying. She has been in the hospital. I think, for over a month. I don't know exactly how she came to be so sick, but I do know that she and I share diabetes as an disease. I'm guessing that she is suffering from some complication due to that.

She had been in the ICU for a long time, then a couple weeks ago she came out into the regular floor. The past couple of days she has gone back to the ICU and her lungs are failing. Much of this time she has been unconscious and infrequently able to talk to her family and doctors.

What we have in common is that P is also a mother of a large adoptive family with special needs children, much like mine, with children and adult children who have intellectual disabilities like Down Syndrome. But P is also a single mom. Her own mother is taking care of the children right now, but without a dad around I can't imagine what the children are going through, or what will happen to them.

Please pray for P and her family. She can still make it with prayer.

I've been thinking a lot about what I would like to happen if I become deathly ill.

I want prayers, but specifically for my family. I know I will be fine. I am not afraid of dying one whit. I look forward to living in heaven. Not that I want to die now, but that I am 100% comfortable in the knowledge of the Love of God. I want reasonable efforts made toward saving my life, but I do not want every life sustaining measure exhausted, nor do I want to rack up a bazillion dollars in medical bills that will live on after me. That's not the legacy I want for myself: huge monetary debt.

If the doctors think I am at the end, then so be it.

My love for my husband and children and friends will continue from heaven, which I am 100% certain is an actual place. I don't want a funeral or a viewing. I want a celebration of my life only, and THAT should be a big party, more like an old fashioned wake.

What exactly do you want your family to do if you become desperately ill? Have you told them? Please leave comments.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning

2008-12-26T13:10:00.019-05:00

Here are some pix from Christmas Eve at our house.

Jay and Emily

Jeff, Wendy, Jennifer, Meghan, grandson Sean

Ross and our grandson Alec

so- in-law Darren

Robin

Mom and Justin

Justin, Danielle and Jeremy

Will

Emily, Danielle and Jonathan

Danielle and Jay

Christmas Morning Aftermath

Apologies to Matthew, who somehow avoided the camera altogether!

Thanks to some wonderful friends and family a great time was had by all!

Christmas Eve Thoughts and Praise

2008-12-24T10:03:00.004-05:00

from Neale Donald Walsch, another thought provoking quote:

On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know...

....that this is the eve of the birth of the Christ in you.

It is a re-birth, of course, for the Christ/God has always been

there. On this special eve, may you experience that

Presence in you, as you, through your sharing of the

love that has been brought to you directly from God.

The wonderful gift of Christmas is that it is not a one

day or one time experience, but lasts the whole year

through -- thanks to you. You are the gift, and as

you give, so shall you receive.

Love, Your Friend....

This quote rings true this year so very much. We had NO money for presents this year, and all nine kids, who are developmentally delayed, were going to be sorely disappointed this Christmas day. I mean we are just squeaking by, not able to even pay our homeowner's insurance and even this month probably not able to pay our mortgage payment, either.

I had asked a couple friends, particularly Karen, and my daughter, Meghan, to ask their friends if they had any used clothing or dvds, etc, that they were going to throw out, if they would instead donate them to us to use as Christmas gifts. I was hoping for just one thing that we could wrap

Well those folks told other folks and the ball started rolling. And I mean it rolled across the country. I've gotten calls from 1500 miles away from people wanting to send us their used toys and clothes. This was pay it forward in motion.

We have received bags and boxes of clothing, I mean tons. My dear daughter Wendy has gone through all the bags sorting out which of the nine kids could use a certain item. This has taken a lot of work, there was so much of it! We owe Wendy, Meghan and Karen a big THANK YOU!

Karen told the therapeutic riding center, and they spread the word. They brought us a lot of WRAPPED gifts, and I'm guessing they are actually new things. They are a non profit, and I have a feeling that they spread the word to some of their supporters.

One lady who works in Meghan's office donated a perfectly good laptop computer! And yesterday we received a FEDEX envelope with a gift certificate for $500 to Publix grocery stores from someone we have never heard of.

So this quote from Walsch means a lot to me. This Christmas season has shown God/Christ's spirit in action. It was those friends and relatives who spread that God spirit throughout the country.

In turn, I am 100% positive that all those who gave and those who helped spread the word will be truly blessed this year. And at a time when we thought nobody really cared about us, we have found that we have true friends everywhere.

All my love for you all, and Merry Christmas,

Dusty

I'm Probably Lying

2008-12-12T15:31:00.002-05:00

In a bag of donated clothes today we found two t-shirts. One says "I'm probably Lying" which I would dearly love to give to Jeremy. It fits him. I'm thinking it's probably not a good idea to send him to school in that, though, right? I can just see them now "What a HORRIBLE thing to put on a child's T-Shirt!"

And then for Will we found "I'm not trying to be difficult...It just comes naturally."

There was anther T-shirt with a squirrel on it that said "Watch Your Nuts." It was too small for Dad. :)

Hapiness is Good Health and A Bad Memory

2008-12-11T11:15:00.001-05:00

New Neale Donald Walsch post I needed today

On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know...

....that happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Ingrid Bergman said that, and it is so true. Memories,

of course, bring up moments that are past, whereas

happiness is always found in the moment that is here,

now.

Constantly remembering bad things, or sad things, can

rob you of your present -- that is, your pre-sent -- joy.

Happiness has been sent to you in advance by God. It

is here, in this moment, if you will seize it...and share it.

As an adoptive parent of a large number of special needs children, I need to be reminded of this often.

I'll miss George Bush

2008-12-05T12:18:00.002-05:00

Say what you will about George W. Bush, we're gonna miss him. Why? Well he's kept us laughing for 8 years. Like him or hate him you just have to laugh at some of the things he has said. Like these:

1. The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.

2. If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

3. Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

4. No senior citizen should have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.

5. I believe that we are on an irreversible trend toward freedom and democracy, but that could change.

6. 'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.'

7. 'Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.'

8. 'I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.'

9. 'The future will be better tomorrow.'

10. 'We're have the best educated American people in the world.'

11. 'One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.' (during an education photo-op)

12. 'Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.'

13. 'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'

14. 'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'

15. "I stand behind all the misstatements I have made."

Ross and stuff

2008-12-04T11:52:00.003-05:00

Ross, 16, went back to the ER and was admitted again on Monday night. He's becoming a frequent flyer. Due to his Spina Bifida and neurogenic bladder he has a tendency toward kidney failure, so at the slightest hint of a urinary tract ifection he has to go in for IV antibiotics. He' been very good about cathing every four hours since the last time, and he uses antibiotic hand cleaner before he does it, but still he gets these infections.

He's waiting on the MD to come in and free him today.

I don't know what's up wih this hospital, though. It's one of America's top rate hospitals, yet...

When I went to see him Tuesday AM nobody had changed his diaper since he was brought in at 7 PM the night before. He was soaked, his shirt was soaked and his bed was soaked.

They did not have latex free catheters anywhere in the hospital, so I had to bring in some. The nurses kept forgetting to tell him it was time to cath, so he was going hours and hours without it.

He's paraplegic, so his butt was red and getting very sore, so I brought in my own butt cream to save him from urine burns. Theydidn't have any on the peds floor! Huh?

Then I got a call at home asking us to bring in all his meds. Oh they had them at the pharmacy, but it was cheaper for them I guess if we brought in our supply.

So he'll come home at 2 today, and we'll probably spend tomorrow and the weekend clearing up his red behind.

Thanksgiving History

2008-11-26T18:42:00.003-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there. Sorry I haven't posted of late. Not much news here.

This article from the New York Times corrects our mistaken history about the first American settlors (I mean European settlers to America, not the obvious first Americans, the native Americans.)

About 50 year before the Mayflower settlement. a group of French people came to Florida seeking religious freedom., They were Calvinists, which means their religious persuasions were more like Presbyterian than much of anything else. They landed in Florida, which was claimed by Spain. So the Catholic King of Spain sent soldiers (sailors?) to Florida to kill them all, calling them Lutherans, which meant anything other than Catholics. These were probably the first European settlors of the new land.

That kind of sets the tone for all the injustices that have been done since in this country under the guise of religion. For instance, in Florida, it is perfectly alright for a homosexual couple or individual to be foster parents. But if they want to adopt those children they have come to dearly love, then they are out of luck.

Mississippi allows a single gay or lesbian person to adopt, but not a homosexual couple. Huh?

Seems to me that a loving gay couple is a LOT more stable than the average of 7 foster homes a kid gets here before he either is adopted or ages out at 18 onto the streets.

But Happy Thanksgiving, folks. It's going to be very interesting to see what happens in 2009, isn't it?

Baby Bumblebees

2008-11-08T11:26:00.003-05:00

Grandsons #3 and #4 being bumblebees for Halloween. Liam is 3 and Lucas is 6 months.

Only Five Kids

2008-11-02T08:20:00.002-05:00

My husband took 4 of our kids to the special olympics state bowling tournament. That left me with five kids for the weekend-only one of whom is a known troublemaker. And that one kid was perfect, except for refusing to get a shower each day, but I pick my battles, and that was not one I picked.

Things have gone so smoothly and I spent a lot of time with just Emily, who is a real sweetie.

I appreciate this smaller family time. Well, I guess five kids only smaller to other megafamilies. But sometimes I think that I couldn't ever get along without my husband's help. But this weekend changed my mind...a little...

Choose Foreclosure

2008-10-23T13:40:00.003-04:00

In this economy, it just might not be a bad idea to walk away from a mortgage. Here's an explanation of why that is.

CHOOSE FORECLOSURE: The Case For Walking Away

Poll: Are you Losing Your Home? Can you afford your home?

2008-10-22T14:49:00.005-04:00

Adoptive parents of large numbers of adopted special needs children need large houses. Large houses come with large mortgages and large payments. When the economy tanks, some of us lose our homes.

I've set up a poll---> over there in the right column> Where you can anonymously give us an idea of how bad the problem is for large families.

If you have a blog, please post a link to this poll as well.

I don't think I'm alone in having trouble meeting my mortgages payments with the rise in food and gas cost and the general downturn in the economy...AM I???

2008-10-20T15:55:00.004-04:00

Today's message from Neale Donald Walsch is on how to create peace in your life and the world:

>>On this day of your life, my friend, I believe God wants you to know...

...that peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek,

but a means by which we arrive at that goal.

Martin Luther King Jr. said that, and he was right. And

his wisdom holds true not only for peace in our world,

but for peace within ourselves.

All of our spiritual traditions teach the same thing. To

achieve peace, be peace. Yet how does one be what one is wishing to experience? By a sheer act of Will.

And...by causing others to experience what you wish

to experience.<<

A peaceful life cannot come from a mind that is angry or has lost hope. There is ALWAYS hope! If you want peace you must formulate it in your everyday life, starting with your mind.

Mental and Physical Weeding Out

2008-10-17T09:31:00.002-04:00

On a mailing list I belong to, the topic has been cleaning out rooms. Someone suggested that they want a dedicated records room.I don't need a records room, but I do need a secretary. We have about a dozen boxes in our bedroom with records that my husband says he'll go thru. He doesn't know how long he should keep paper records. I tell him, I'm pretty darn sure it's not 40 years.

As someone who has had to go through my grandmother's house and choose what to keep and what to toss, I'm constantly aware at 61 that someday my own children will have to sort through our stuff and make those kinds of decisions. I know how difficult it is, especially at a time when you are missing that person. That's a very hard thing to have to do, and I don't want to pass on that core to my kids.

We have so many things that we've saved that nobody but us would have any interest in. A Phi Sigma Kappa throw pillow from 1966, the big sister gift I got from my Alpha Sigma Tau big sis. TV scripts I wrote in junior high for the show Bonanza for fun. The second Sunbeam hand mixer we got as a wedding gift in 1968 and never opened....

As for old photos, we started out in 1968 taking slides instead of pix. A lot of those slides are worthless now. Nobody, including me, has a slide projector anymore and we don't have the energy or money to send them off to be copied onto a CD. Kindof like the ancient wire recording my brother has of the voices of my maternal grandmother, my mother and father... Now there was a short lived technology.

We have two big plastic storage containers, the kind you put Christmas stuff in for storage, filled with photos. I use those for storage because at hurricane time I can duct tape them up securely so they won't leak (hopefully) and write our names, address and phone numbers in case of a hurricane where we might get wiped out.

I had spent a lot of time scanning photos and storing them on my hard drive, but I didn't get real far-it's a major time consuming chore. My oldest said, why bother. When we are gone they'll just sort them out and distribute them. But my mama's heart says, yeah, but will you be able to tell the baby pix of one of the 21 kids, one from the other? My husband can't even do THAT. I can!

And what about the antiques that I have kept to be handed down to my grandchildren. None of them worth a whole lot. A little book from 1832, owned by my poor great great grandmother, Margaret Clark who died of childbed fever in 1850, with her signature? Or the ancient prayerbook and bible from Scotland owned by another ancestor. Will anyone care enough to keep them in the family or will they toss them as "old books" or sell them on ebay? I shiver at that thought!

When it comes down to it, all the things that I have found to be important enough to keep, probably won't be important enough to save by the next generation. I find that incredibly sad. I have a beautiful gold expansion bracelet with a hidden picture thing that my great grandmother gave to my grandmother at the turn of the century (that is 1899-1900. I've cherished that, and I want to pass that down to a female descendant that I will probably never meet (so far my kids have produced only boys.) Will there be children that will respect my wish?

But when it comes down to it. I'll be in heaven having a good ole time. I'll have no use for those things in heaven. And I just have to let go of emotion about old stuff I've kept over 61 years and trust that someone will have a heart for at least a few of them.

So, knowing that someday one of my kids is going to have to go through mountains of things we've kept over the years, it is MY responsibility to at least narrow that down to a couple boxes of things I think need to be passed down. And to label as many pix as I can!

Large Adoptive Family Cr*p

2008-10-14T17:34:00.003-04:00

I know, I haven't posted in a couple weeks. Been busy. Mostly with the usual large adoptive family stuff, oh, you know, like CPS, kids behaving badly, house payments getting to be too much for us, my husband's hours being severely cut back at work...you know...THE USUAL CR*P.

I wonder if we would have signed on for this journey if we had known the hardships it would entail. Of course there is no way of knowing. And for a large family inclined mama nothing generally gets in her way.

Then we found out that the legal plan that we had on good authority would help us in case of CPS involvement really didn't. We were lied to by the people who said they were the administrators of the national foster and adoptive parents legal plan. Turns out that the FOSTER part was true, but not the ADOPTIVE. And the people who sold it to us were not even currently agents. I think they probably were when they sold it to us.

Now we've gotten a lot of use from the legal plan. It just wouldn't help us in a CPS investigation like we'd been told. Looking into alternatives.

This afternoon I was back in my bedroom, while my husband was cutting the grass and my adult daughter, who works for us, was with the kids in the playroom, Jeremy, who wanted to go outside with his dad (which no child here is allowed to do when the mower is running) ripped the molding that holds the glass in the one double door at the front of the house and dismantled it. QUIETLY.

Thank heaven we had years ago replaced three other similar french doors and had not gotten around to throwing the old ones out. So DH can take the molding off those doors to repair that one. But...come on now. It wasn't bad enough that he systematically dismantled his own bedroom door, broke a couple windows, banged multiple holes in the walls. Yet, I'm certain that we'r not alone in the home-destructiveness of a couple kids who have been adopted. I read Cindy's blog daily. I know it!

As for the CPS thing. It was stupid, and nothing will come of it. But CPS is NEVER pleasant to deal with.

I'm managing to stay very positive minded, though. I know in my heart that God has better things in store for us, and that we can ride out the bad. Together, we've always made it before and will again.

Wasilla Alaska

2008-09-24T16:22:00.002-04:00

I see from sitemeter that I have a visitor who lives in Wasilla, AK. Welcome. Are you an adoptive parent? I'd never heard of Wasilla until a few weeks ago.

Homeschooling in CA

2008-09-23T09:11:00.002-04:00

I got this link from a friend...

>>(NaturalNews) A California appeals court has ruled that homeschooling of children is illegal unless their parents have teaching credentials from the state.

"California is now on the path to being the only state to deny the vast majority of homeschooling parents their fundamental right to teach their own children at home," said Michael Smith, president of the Home School Legal Defense Association.

The court overturned a lower court's finding that homeschooling did not constitute a violation of child welfare laws.

"California courts have held that ... parents do not have a constitutional right to homeschool their children," Justice H. Walter Croskey said.

The decision stunned parents of the state's roughly 166,000 homeschooled children. While the court claimed that it was merely clarifying an existing law and not making a new one, the decision leaves the parents of homeschooled children at risk of arrest and criminal prosecution.

"At first, there was a sense of, 'No way,' " homeschool parent Loren Mavromati said. "Then there was a little bit of fear. I think it has moved now into indignation."

Parents' reasons for homeschooling their children range from religious beliefs to dissatisfaction with the education received at public or private schools. But according to the court, all California children between the ages of 6 and 18 must attend either a full-time public or private school or be taught by a tutor credentialed for their specific grade level.

"A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation," Croskey wrote.

California's largest teachers union welcomed the decision as did the Children's Law Center of Los Angeles.

According to the law center's executive director, Leslie Heimov, children should not be educated at home, because they need to be "in a place daily where they would be observed by people who had a duty to ensure their ongoing safety."<<

Uhhhh...who has the highest desire to ensure their children's safety?? PARENTS, DUH- My daughter with Down Syndrome walked away from her classmates as they went to the auditorium yesterday. They found her outside sitting down out on the track. That wouldn't have happened with ME in charge of her.

Lapsed Ideals

2008-09-20T10:13:00.004-04:00

I've forgotten my own rules that I learned from The Secret and the Law of Attraction. . I know that this message is 100% true, but I haven't been following it the past week or two. I am now.

I had fallen into the habit of letting negative political talk on my favorite mailing list get to me. And I've felt the need to reply to those negative posts. I was wrong, and I'm deeply sorry. One will always be exposed to words that anger us. And those negative thoughts, whether spoken or read, go out in the universe and bring negative things into your own life.

NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM EITHER SPEAKING, EMAILING OR LISTENING TO NEGATIVITY.

Speaking or emailing negativity only produces more negativity in one's life. Listening to, reading, or replying to negativity only produces negative situations in your life.

What is the answer to every difficult circumstance in life?

Take the positive path.

Choosing the positive path can be easy at some times in our life and more difficult at other times. When everything is going along well, when we are on a roll, choosing the positive path just flows through us as an easy, natural choice. When something negative comes along it can be far more challenging for us to choose the positive path.

But choose it we must! No matter how challenging the negativity may be, there is simply no other way to bring our lives back into positivity so that our lives will

If negative situations appear, you must use your will and refuse to lower yourself to those negative thoughts, words, actions, and emotions. Use your will and decide that not only will you focus on the positive, but you will ramp up the positive in every thought, word, and action of your day.

It takes determination, strength, faith, and the power of your will to focus on the positive when intense negativity descends, but remember that the Universe and the law of attraction are with you.

As you focus on the positive, focus more on the positive, think of the positive, speak of the positive, and take positive and good actions, the law of attraction will give your life wings. Suddenly you will look around you and you will find that the negativity has gone, and that your life has been filled with goodness and joy.

And that's where I'm going to be from now on.

Slaves to What You Don't know

2008-09-15T09:54:00.002-04:00

I don't know how he does it but the daily emails I get from Neale Donald Walsch are amazingly appropriate for whatever I'm thinking about. Here's today's email:

>>

On this day of your life, (my name), I believe God wants you to know...

...that you are slaves to whatever you don't understand.

Vernon Howard said that, and he was right. So do not

avoid hearing, or even studying, other points of view.

Indeed, do so rigorously.

The more that you oppose

something, the more you will benefit from looking into

it deeply -- with an open mind, not cynically.

This is excellent advice right now if you live in the

United States and are deciding upon a person for whom

to vote in the upcoming election...

Love, Your Friend....
<<

Election 2008

2008-09-14T09:18:00.002-04:00

I'm a mother of a large adoptive family with special needs kids. I'm a Christian. So why am I voting for Obama?

I didn't want to go into that here on this blog, so I started another. I have taken the info from each candidate's webpage and compared what they have to offer. It's easy reading as I've cut to the chase on each issue. My info comes directly from McCain's an Obama's webpages, and from the candidates' voting records.

If you haven't taken an in depth look at the candidates' stands on the issues, then this is an easy way to do that. Take a Look at http://candidatescompared.blogspot.com

Just voting your chosen party isn't doing your duty as a citizen. Knowing what each candidate stands for before you vote is.

Not giving my daughter enough credit

2008-09-07T17:46:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I think we just don't give our adult children with Down Syndrome enough credit. Like this weekend. My 16 year old, Ross is in the hospital with another kidney infection. Yesterday he was bored and called his sister Danielle on the phone. Danielle hung up without giving Jennifer (23, DS) a chance to talk. So Jennifer grabs the phone and looks for the last number on the caller ID and calls the hospital and asks for her brother by name and gets connected.

I didn't think she knew how to do that, or that the operator would understand her. But it worked. She called him again today. That gives me some hope that she will do OK on her own someday. By on her own, I mean in a group home setting, after we're gone. Not that she'll be leaving this house. We designed this house so that it would make a perfect group home. Someday we'll incorporate it non profit, get a board and hire staff so that the kids can all stay together (The 9 here now are all developmentally delayed.) It would really hurt each one of them if they couldn't live with their siblings.

The Broken House

2008-09-05T12:00:00.005-04:00

Well it does seem like we will have to board up the window between the kitchen and the family room. Jeremy pulled out another post and was able to squeeze his 15 year old body through and steal stuff from the kitchen. And again, upon being caught he went on a rampage.

Yesterday I don't even remember what set him off. But he did a great job of ripping up the playroom bathroom. Tore the toilet seat off, ripped down the shower curtain, etc.

I don't even know who knocked down the framed picture of Ethan, our late son, and the already beaten up framed print over the loveseat. But it was Jeremy who threw a shoe at his ceiling light and busted that.

The state has "tiers" of need for developmentally delayed kids, and those tiers determine how much help a child gets at home. We got the new tiers the other day and Jeremy is only the lowest tier-the one where kids who need the least services are. This after we had put in for a one on one at home to follow him around and prevent him from doing all this damage. I guess that is off the table now.

Is it worth it to keep trying to have a nicely decorated hole-free home? I'm not talking showcase decorating here. Just a status quo decorating. I've seen homes in really poor, tough neighborhoods that had nicer interior rooms than mine. You know, a couch and a loveseat, a recliner, an end table and a coffee table. A couple lamps, some framed prints on the walls. A floor that hasn't been torn up bit by bit, doors that haven't been kicked in...

All it takes is one little devil. We've got two. Love them both, but come on guys!

This is why my grandsons refer to our place as "The Broken House."

This is hard to do (The Secret)

2008-09-02T14:34:00.002-04:00

I've been working extra hard to come up with a good way to make a full time income from home. I design webpages for people, for about $300-500, but that's not something that I can count on. I'm slowly getting back into the real estate investment game, but buyers are few these days. Who the heck wants to buy a house now when next year it could be worth 20% less than they paid for it?

Neale Donald Walsch's daily message today was exactly what I needed to hear. Here it is:

On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know...

. ..that desire is a powerful force that can be used to

make things happen.

Marcia Weider said that, and she was right. Yet do

not confuse desire with expectation, or with need.

Desire has an entirely different quality to it. You can

desire something without needing or requiring it.

That little difference makes everything work. That

little difference is the whole trick. Desire, do not

Require. To desire propels. To require compels. Life

will not be compelled, but it can be coaxed...

Whoever or whatever you are trying to compel today,

stop it. Just...fall back into the soft cotton of desire.

OK, so I've got to get it straight. All I really have to do is DESIRE something. That's easy. I've got to trust God that he will hear my desire and provide the way. I have to stop trying to MAKE things happen. THAT part is difficult.

I also have to stop WORRYING about finances. Because the Law of Attraction says we get what we give thought to. So if my thoughts are "I don't have enough money" then all I'll get back from the universe is more not enough money.

Another thing I have to get straight is that trying to change someone's mind is impossible. And by railing against John McCain I'm putting my thoughts on him, and improving his chances. Luckily there seem to be far more Republican Obama haters working to get Obama elected by their attention to him :)

Ha Ha HA

2008-08-29T15:52:00.003-04:00

AOL just had a little article on the life span of things in the home. Obviously they weren't talking about large adoptive families. Take a look.

We once had a washer and dryer set that lasted 15 years. Of course that was when we only had about 5 kids.

Now it's rare for us to get through a year without replacing at least the washer or the dryer.

The stove? Well our last glass top stove lasted about 12 years, but for the last few years the oven door didn't shut all the way, and one burner didn't work.

Carpet or other flooring that lasts 16 to 25 years-Well, carpet make zero sense in our house. And sheet vinyl flooring-my kids rip it right off the floor in random pieces. We have hospital grade tiles in our family room. The kids dig until they get an edge up and then pull the tile off. My kids have even been known to crack ceramic tile laid of a concrete slab.

Windows? That's a big joke! My kids break windows like they break wind.

And that stuff that looks like brick facing...if we had that I'm totally sure that someone here would dig and pick until they got it off the walls or fireplace.

Sounds like I don't have any control over my kids, doesn't it? But that's simply not true. All my children are developmentally delayed, and a couple have ODD and wild behavior that we try to control with medications. But we'd have to have something that totally knocks out the two boys before we could guarantee that nothing would be torn apart or broken here.

It's a trade off. Kids that I dearly love, or a perfect house. The house loses every time.

Making Fun of People with Down Syndrome

2008-08-29T14:53:00.002-04:00

We've adopted nine kids with Down syndrome over the years. Two of those children now live in heaven. They are not all the same. They have different strengths and weaknesses just like "normal" people. And I love every one of them. They are my favorite flavor of kids.

They can do so much more than the public gives them credit for. Like the youn woman with Down Syndrome who works for a hospital where it is her job to break down the incubators and clean them part by part and get them sanitized for the next premie infant.

When the company that made the incubators sent a group of reps out to the hospital to be trained in how to break down and clean incubators, this young woman with DS was the only person in the hospital capable of doing it right. She is exacting in her work. She has found he niche. As will all of my children with Downs.

That's why it hurts me to see that on YOUTube 90% of the videos about Down syndrome are about making fun of people with DS. Cruel, hurtful stuff.

Today on a list I belong to, another mom showed us this movie. This is how parents of such a child feel.

Family Visits

2008-08-25T11:34:00.003-04:00

We rarely get a visit from family here- I mean from my siblings or my husband's siblings. Even my sister who lives 10 minutes away never visits-too busy she works, no living kids. Everyone else either lives out of state or 4-5 hours away. So when my brother calls and says he and his family will be stopping by on their way home from south of here, I get excited.

John is 50 now. He's my baby brother-the one I always had on my lap in the back seat of our gray Olds station wagon when we were growing up. We didn't have seat belts back then. I did a lot of carrying John around when I was a kid. I was ten years older than he. I was the oldest, and he was the youngest of five kids. I was often in charge of him, and I loved it.

John's only child, Conner, looks exactly like his dad did at the age of 10. Takes me back. My husband hasn't seen them in years, and when he came in he was mentally taken back to 1967 when we started dating and would occasionally pick me up at home. John would have been ten then, too.

When John and his family stops by, it's always on the way home from somewhere, and usually for not more than an hour. I don't think he and his wife are comfortable around lots of kids, especially special needs kids that have been adopted. That's OK. I am not looking for family approval, and John has never said anything that would indicate he disproved. I just think all my kids make them uncomfortable.

Nonetheless, I love my baby brother. We email frequently and sometimes he even calls me. He and I have the same spiritual beliefs, something I can't say about the rest of the family. Actually, John is the only relative I have that shares my spiritual beliefs.

John has a bad heart. It's enlarged, and doesn't keep a good rhythm, so he has a pacemaker and one of those shocker devices to start his heart if needed. We almost lost him in May of this year. He had a heart attack, and if not for the shocker he would have not made it to the hospital. Crazy guy drove himself, getting shocked like 8 times on the way. He says that it's not just a mild shock. It's like a major blow, something that even makes him scream it's so powerful.

So he ended up having triple bypass surgery. If his heart continues to weaken he will be on the transplant list. I hate to see him suffer.

But we're all getting old. It's tough getting used to that. Our parents are gone, and some of our older cousins have died. All of our aunts and uncles are dead, too. We ARE the older generation of my family. I've had to come to terms with that.

John just wants to live long enough to see his son Conner graduate high school and start on his journey of becoming a man. I pray that he can do that-because I'd surely miss him and partly because I'm pretty sure we'll never see Conner again once John is gone.

Holy Cow....errrr, TIGER

2008-08-20T09:59:00.002-04:00

Just got an automated call from the county. There is a wildlife sanctuary about two blocks from us or less. A Tiger has escaped and we are to stay inside and notify 911 if we see it.

I'm hearing sirens...Don't say my life isn't interestnig!

Inspiration

2008-08-17T11:41:00.001-04:00

I needed this this morning. Now...well...what can I NOT accomplish?

This Guy Could Make a Bazillion Bucks....

2008-08-11T08:26:00.002-04:00

...if he perfected his technique for babies, kids and teenagers.

Can you imagine having a kid going off and destroying things and then BLAM the kid is sleeping?

HouseBreaking

2008-08-09T12:20:00.006-04:00

I have two boys who seem to make housebreaking their life's work. I don't mean breaking into houses, I mean Breaking Apart Houses. This one in particular.

Now, many large adoptive families have this very problem. None of us has a picture perfect home. But then we're not picture perfect families. I've had case workers who walked into my home and said that it wasn't homey enough. That I needed end tables and lamps and curtains at all the window and pictures on the walls. I'd go out and get all those things only to have the kids destroy each one in just a few weeks.

The most we can have in our living room is a leather sofa, a leather loveseat and a leather recliner. Before we invested in the leather we had to go to the thrift store and buy a whole new sofa and loveseat and chair just about every month. It was good that I could buy the whole set for $100, though. But they were not very pretty.

We've had framed prints on the wall, well, screwed into the wall, and some of them have stayed up a long time. In particular the framed photograph of our late son, Ethan, which seems to be revered enough to stay put. It did have a mishap when Will through a skate at a window and missed.

On Thursday night Jeremy was caught with contraband food from the kitchen and then went on a rampage. Luckily there isn't much left for him to break. I mean he's broken his own bedroom window, and ripped his hollow core door to shreads, so that now he has no door. He's ripped the blinds from his window so often that I think they won't go back up there. He tore apart his dresses, so now he has a plastic basket for his clothing. He has holes in the walls everywhere in there, so he went looking for something to destroy.

He ripped the toilet seat off the toilet in the playroom bathroom, breaking the part where it attaches to the toilet. That poor toilet. Just the day before Will had been in one of his throw everything moods and picked up the toilet tank lid and threw it. Dad patched it together with superglue. It looks sad.

The difference between Will (almost 21, down syndrome) and Jeremy (15, down syndrome) is that Will does these things on a lark. He happily does things. He doesn't do stuff when he's angry. He sits and cries or yells. Jeremy is sneaky and takes things, and then when caught he goes on a rampage and destroys stuff. Jeremy is much smarter than WIll.

We used to have a pass through between the family room and the kitchen (what was I thinking when I designed this house. Kids constantly crawled over it to get into food. We've had a wall there for many years. Now we have a window there, but it has posts up and down the opening. Jeremy figures out how to maneuver his arm so that he could each the doorknob and get into the kitchen, so we put plywood on those posts as far as he might possibly reach. So he busted out one of the posts. Dad fixed it with tape and reinstalled it, but Jeremy knocked it out again and crawled through the opening (must have squeezed real tight) and got in to steal food. And when caught went on another rampage.

So Dad put another piece of plywood over that hole, and the next thing you know Jeremy is taking a metal dining chair and ramming the top of it into the plywood.

Did I mention that he broke his box springs and his brass headboard? Or that he has broken every set of rabbit ears we've ever bought?

Will breaks things too, but happily so. He has broken the legs off of the foosball game (one time Jeremy helped.) He ripped off the skirting from the playroom couch. He rips up vinyl flooring like it's the funniest thing in the world. But it's different. It's not from rage, but something fun to do.

I dream of a beautifully decorated home, but the reality is that until the kids are all grown and out on their own (AND THEY WILL BE SOMEDAY- I SWEAR IT!) and my husband and I have a nice little regular four bedroom on a pretty lot perfectly landscaped with flowering trees and end tables, lamps and framed art and, maybe, do I dare think it? Carpets...

My grandsons ask their parents, not if they are going to grandma's house. They ask, "Are we going to the Broken House?"

Am I alone in this?

Tough Love vs. Spanking

2008-08-05T21:09:00.003-04:00

Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc..

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

I think this will work with grandchildren, nieces, and nephews as well.

(OK, it was just too funny not to post here...)

Door Hinges and Getting Old

2008-08-02T22:14:00.004-04:00

Yo, Wendy! you would have loved being here today- NOT! Jeremy got angry because we told him he could have a drink of juice, but he couldn't put it in his water bottle. (He would keep the water bottle and juice in his room for three days until he started drinking it and get sick.) So he went on a rampage. He took the hinge pins out of his sister's bedroom, door and that was just the beginning.

So late at night I was talking to Jay and he was telling me how much he loved me. Jay is 15 and is my only child who uses a wheelchair. I said, I love you too, and I'm glad you love me. Someday when I'm an old lady, will you take care of me? And Jay says, "Uh, Mom, that's what nursing homes are for."

And if the kindest, sweetest child I have says that, I guess I'd better get used to the idea...

It's Not Your Job To Make Others Happy

2008-07-29T08:40:00.003-04:00

I like this message that came in email this morning:

t is not your role to make others happy; it is your role to keep yourself in balance. When you pay attention to how you feel and practice self-empowering thoughts that align with who-you-really-are, you will offer an example of thriving that will be of tremendous value to those who have the benefit of observing you.

You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive or sick enough to help sick people get well or angry enough to help angry people be at peace. You only ever uplift from your position of strength and clarity and alignment.

--Keep yourself happy and thinking good empowering thoughts. That's your only job.

Space Aliens in my Back Yard

2008-07-28T18:26:00.003-04:00

Last night before we went to bed, I think space aliens came down and zapped a strange flower into the dirt in my back yard. I've never seen anything like it, and it came up overnight. Just this one flower. It has no petals, just this white circular thing with long legs sticking out of it with a green shoot coming up through the center.

Doesn't look like any mushroom or toadstool I've ever seen.

I think it may get up and walk away soon.

Anyone have any idea what it might be?

1915 War Protest Song

2008-07-28T12:46:00.003-04:00

If you think the business of war protesting started with the Vietnam War you'd be wrong. Here is a song made popular in the era of 1915 to 1918 during WWI. The sentiment is that world differences should be handled through arbitration between countries, not by war.

Today we have Obama wanting to negotiate with other countries, and McCain wanting only military action and no arbitration and negotiation. Yet I think that if women ran the world, or at least MOTHERS ran the world, there would be no wars.

Differences would be settled through diplomacy, negotiation and arbitration. Just the way we teach our children to settle disagreements.

No decent mother would ever tell her child to get a gun and go off and shoot the person causing her child a problem.

Listen to the song below "I Didn't Raise My Son To Be a Soldier."

.

Old Favorites on TV

2008-07-26T18:44:00.002-04:00

This summer my 16 year old daughter has discovered I Love Lucy reruns on tv. She absolutely loves it.

Today she says, Mom come here. And she starts explaining what Lucy is up to. And she says, "Ooooh, Girl...that Lucy gets herself into a lot of trouble. Ricky better get rid of her!

Actually, Danielle, I think she eventually got rid of HIM.

She doesn't see the show as funny, just dramatic. Like a soap opera...

Think they won't remember what you did for them?

2008-07-25T20:09:00.000-04:00

Sometimes with kids you really wonder if you have had any effect on them. Watch this video. You probably won't get as much of a proof from your kid, but, if this can happen, then...

...surely our input with a kid matters....

Where have the bees and butterflies gone?

2008-07-19T10:41:00.003-04:00

My back yard is filled with wildflowers. But one thing is missing this year.

There are NO bees buzzing around those flowers, and there are so few butterflies that I rarely see one out there anymore. Last summer they were abundant. I think the powers that be are not telling the country the truth about colony collapse disorder.

For some reason (some folks claim increased cell phone usage that is interfering with the bees' homing abilities. Others say it is an unknown mite.) bee colonies are disappearing at an alarming rate. Until this summer, I thought it was hype, but now I see that it is true.

(Tests have shown that if you place a cell phone next to a bee hive, the bees won't come back.)

What does that mean to life on earth? Albert Einstein said that if all the bees disappeared we'd have only 4 years of life left on earth. Think about it. No pollination, no vegetables of fruit. No grass equals no meat or fowl. Now maybe there might still be fish, I don't know. But enough to feed the world? I doubt it.

Estimates are that 60% of the western USA's bee colonies have disappeared, and that 70% of the eastern USA's bee colonies have vanished. I think we just might be in trouble.

QUESTION FOR READERS: Have you seen many bees this summer?

Caitlyn's Ruptured Eyeball

2008-07-15T20:08:00.007-04:00

At dinner time I got a phone call from a local hospital asking permission to do surgery on my 24 year old daughter Caitlyn who lives in a group home south of here. She has Down Syndrome and has been living in a group home for several years.

This is a profoundly MR AA kid who is also extremely self abusive. The lady on the phone wanted my permission to have surgery done on Caitie tomorrow AM. I asked "For what?"

She says, well she has a ruptured eyeball. Huh? And the group home never called me? And how the h*ll did THAT happen?

I said of course I'd give my permission. Then I called her support coordinator who also hadn't been notified by the group home.

They say that she had been rubbing her eye lately. Monday AM she got up and her pupil looked gray, but they sent her to the workshop anyway. The workshop got worried and called them and they finally took her to the eye MD, who says he's pretty sure that she has a ruptured eyeball. He is going to operate in the morning.

So I'll go down there in the AM to sign the permissions...Why do the lives of kids whose situations are already sad have to hurt as well?

Far Away Family

2008-07-09T15:09:00.002-04:00

That's our second child, Adam (35) on the left with his two beautiful sons, Lucas( three months) and Liam (three years). Aren't those kids gorgeous? Sandy, their mom, isn't in the photo because she is the one taking it. But you can trust me when I say that she is gorgeous, too.

Isn't this what we all want for our kids? A good job, a loving spouse and wonderful children. You make me very proud, Adam.

Sadly they all live more than 1000 miles away. I haven't seen Liam since he was 3 months old, or seen Lucas at all. That's why all the pix Sandy and Adam sent me are so special.

Love you guys!

A fish story of another kind

2008-07-08T09:00:00.004-04:00

For lack of anything interesting at all happening at home I thought I'd share an email I got today from a friend.

DH and I are voracious readers-something that we did NOT pass on to our children for some reason. Not one of them takes time to read.

Sometimes I think I was put on this earth to learn as much as I possibly could. So powerful is that yearning to know MORE in me. So here is that email:

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start a any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies,

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' he said, and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

This made me smile - and feel better

2008-07-07T08:27:00.002-04:00

The daily email from Neale Donald Walsch this morning made me smile, and relax, like so many of his messages do:
>>

On this day of your life, Dusty, I believe God wants you to know...

.....that disappointment is your thought that God doesn't

know what God is doing.

That, of course, is impossible. So try to not be

disappointed in anything. Know that life is showing up

perfectly in every moment.

Today's disappointment could be tomorrow's springboard

to all that you've ever wanted. In fact, it probably is.

You will not have to think very hard to know exactly

why you received this message today...<<

Subscribe to these insightful daily messages at www.nealdonaldwalsch.com

Down Syndrome Lothario

2008-07-04T11:14:00.003-04:00

Yesterday my husband and I took Jeremy to the shrink for the first time. His behavior over the three weeks between real school and summer school made us face the facts. He needed to be back on meds.

There should have been a security camera in the waiting room. He displayed all his ADHD symptoms quite well, except, of course, for the breaking windows, putting holes in the wall, stealing things and taunting his siblings. He was all over the place. Luckily for most of that time we were to only occupants of the room.

Then a young couple came in and sat opposite us and sat reading a magazine together. Jeremy, of course, goes over to them and puts out his hand to the girl and says, "Hi, I'm Jeremy."

She says hello and then Jeremy says "you're cute" and then stands there winking his eye about ten times. I guess that's supposed to be a big attraction factor.

The he comes back and sits down and tells the young man that he's sending him home. Then he tells the girl to meet him at ten o'clock. Actually, he says, "Girlfriend, meet me at 10 o'clock."

He didn't tell her he was going to marry her, like he normally does with pretty girls, but he did kiss her hand. The young couple took it all with good sport. The kid can crack me up.

The shrink, however, is a medicaid flunky shrink. Have you noticed that the psychiatrists that take medicaid are nothing more than pill pushers? This guy talked to me for a while without Jeremy, then brought the kid in and talked to him and prescribed two meds. One of which is a controlled substance. which means two things: 1. medicaid will fight paying for it and 2. we'll have to make the trek into town each month to pick up am RX form, because there are never any refills on these drugs.

It's probably going to take months before we can get him approved for this one drug, and then every couple months they will stop paying for it, and we'll have to fight for it again. I tried to talk him into Strattera, which worked OK for him years ago, AND isn't a controlled substance. Yes we'd stil have to fight medicaid to get it, but at least there can be refills. But, no...this new drug will supposedly work much better than Strattera.

I think all medicaid shrinks get a kickback from the drug companies when they prescribe a new drug. That's all these guys do. Kid walks in, parent says ADHD, he says to himself, "Which ADHD drug did the pretty drug rep in the gray suit, high heels, and black suitcase bring to his attention yesterday?"

There's no real concern for the child. It's like a revolving door. Kid in with ADHD, Kid out with the first drug that comes to mind. NEXT!

Actually I think the government could save money on their medicaid patients with a simple vending machine. You punch in your kid's medicaid number, select from a variety of possible mental conditions that you suspect your child has and press a button and out comes your script. That's all the medicaid shrink does anyway. Let's eliminate the middle man.

We had an excellent shrink lady for ab out a year. She actually spent a LOT of time discussing Will's problems and very carefully made an RX plan for him that actually works pretty well. Not just the top drug being newly sold right now, but the tried and true meds that she knew would fit Will's case. She was wonderful, and she really cared.

She stopped taking medicaid when they never paid her. I miss her,

My Beautiful UnGarden

2008-07-02T19:46:00.005-04:00

I'm not a gardener like Cindy or Megamom. At 61, I just don't want to go back to playing in the dirt like I did when I was younger. Sure I'd love the fresh veggies...well, maybe next year...Naaah.

I guess what you could say is that I do natural gardening. Natural flower gardening that is.

This photo is of the west end of our back yard. I allowed the Wedelia to take over there, not allowing my husband to mow it down. I did allow him to mow a path around that edges so I can walk the dog in my "Garden."

Wedelia is also known as "creeping daisy, and most folks here try hard to get rid of it, but it is just so marvelously beautiful when it covers an entire meadow (we don't really have meadows here, but this will do.)

How can anyone walk through this part of our huge back yard and not feel happy? It brings me peace. It takes over a yard real fast, but I'm hoping by next time this year the entire backyard is full of the tiny little bright yellow daisies. I even picked some of the flowers and threw them into what should be a flower bed in front of the wheelchair ramp in hope, no, knowing full well, that it will take over and next year I'll have a pretty yellow flower bed out front.

I just realized tonight that the whole wedelia thing is sort of a symbol of my whole life. I find beauty in the way natural flowers spread out over my little peace of heaven. Just the way I've found beauty in the 21 kids we've raised or are still raising. They aren't the healthy white infants that most people want to adopt. But they are truly more beautiful because of how they were born. I love them just the way they are, just like my creeping daisies.

And like the wedelia, we let our family keep growing and spreading. No mowing or pruning-like those families we meet who always say, "I don't know how you do it. I only have two and they drive me crazy."

And this human garden has given me much more than green peppers and tomatoes. Thank you, God, for both my natural gardens.

Only in Palm Beach

2008-06-29T18:24:00.003-04:00

My adult son Jonathan got called into the architect office where he works at 6PM Sunday. Seems they have been drawing up plans for George Hamilton's Palm Beach Condo and there was an architectural emergency. Rush job.

Only in Palm Beach do you have architectural emergencies.

Down Syndrome Kids vs "Normal" Kids

2008-06-29T13:30:00.003-04:00

You get very different reactions from DS kids than you get with so called normal kids. For example:

Mom to "normal" kid: It's your turn to do the dishes

Normal Kid: I did them last week. Anyway I have too much homework to finish and my softball game is starting in four hours. And I think it's Nancy's turn.

Mom to kid with Down Syndrome: It's your turn to do the dishes

Kid with Down Syndrome: YAY!

How to Cut Down on Laundry

2008-06-28T10:02:00.002-04:00

It occurred to me this morning as I was loading the washer that I could solve the whol massive laundry problem that a family of 11 creates.

It's easy. Just give each child one set of clothing, one towel and washrag and one set of sheets. Every morning you wash the sheets and at night when the kids remove their clothes you pop them in the washer.

OK...that's impractical, but I can dream can't i?

Down Syndrome

2008-06-26T11:09:00.003-04:00

Quite often I get phone calls from colleges, trade schools and the army, nay and marines for one of my adult kids who have Down syndrome. Yesterday I got a call from Lincoln College and they asked to speak to William. I replied, "William is a 20 year old young man who has Down Syndrome. He won't be attending college."

The lady said, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that!"

I get that all the time. What's funny is that I'm not sorry Will has DS. He wouldn't be the WIll I know and love if he didn't have DS. And Will, himself, isn't concerned that he has DS. He could care less. He's happy.

Some people think that it's a tragedy that a child is born with Down Syndrome. I don't think it's any more a tragedy than a child is born with, say, blue eyes. It's how God made him, and I'm fine with that. So is Will.

Speaking of adults with DS, Matt and Jennifer, both 23, go to the regional Hab Center to work every day. They get up at 6 and take a bus downtown to the center, work all day for a paycheck and take the bus home. Every morning, Matt makes a bag lunch for both himself and Jennifer.

Something happened to Matt's funding stream, and for a time now he's had to stay home on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He could sleep in, but Matt gets up those days and faithfully makes Jen her sandwich and packs her lunch. THAT'S Down Syndrome for you.

Teachers ....

2008-06-25T09:53:00.002-04:00

I have 7 kids in summer school. Six are going to the same high school special ed program. Two are in one class and three in the other. Jeremy goes to the specialized county run school for MR kids with extremely bad behavior.

Got a note home from the teachers that they wanted $5 per kid to buy a BETA FISH (also called a Siamese Fighting Fish.) The kids will learn how to take care of the fish and at the end of summer school will be able to BRING THE FISH HOME. NO WAY.

We have three cats, and we have WILL and JEREMY. Those fish would not survive, and if they did it would be because I took care of them, and I'm not gonna do that.

Hey, you can't even put them into an aquarium together as they'd kill each other. And I guarantee that Will and/or Jeremy would do the honors if they were brought home in little one fish bowls.

The school isn't answering the phone this AM...ARRGH.

Summer School and a good day

2008-06-23T13:07:00.002-04:00

The kids who go to a regular high school left this AM for summer school. Jeremy, who goes to a more confined school for DD kids, doesn't start until next week.

Having him home by himself has been a pleasure. He says please and thank you, hasn't gotten into anything, has kept himself busy and it's been a good experience for me due to his recent outbursts.

Such a nice thing to see the real boy behind the little monster that's been living here lately. I have him by himself until Friday when there is no summer school, and then next week they are all out of the house.

Hair Cut

2008-06-19T12:23:00.003-04:00

Jeremy got his hair cut last night. That means that he behaved all day yesterday. There was one incident that I let pass. After breakfast, since Robin hadn't come out of her room to eat, when my back was turned he grabbed the breakfast and headed back toward his room. Ross caught him, but he turned it around by saying he was just taking it back to Robbie in her bedroom.

No blowup, I'm happy to let that pass.

I'd like to wax a little bit political this AM. American tax money has been building hundreds of roads, bridges,water treatment plants in the past few years. Sounds good. Visit THIS page for a short video.

Problem Solved, I think...

2008-06-18T11:01:00.002-04:00

I think I hit on something this morning- a way to keep J in line. Most of the trouble comes from my not being able to, or wanting to, shadow the kid everywhere he goes. So a light bulb came on in my head.

I'm now paying Ross $1 a day to shadow J and report back BEFORE he gets into trouble. So far so good, but of course it's only 10:00. Small price to pay and it does three things for me.

1. It prevents J from beginning any mischief, as I get fast warning that he is starting something.
2. It gives Ross something to do-that he gets paid for.
3. I can work online and write more than two sentences before I have to get up.

I'll report back at the end of the day...

Wunderkind Boy

2008-06-15T18:17:00.002-04:00

We gave had a pretty bad weekend with the wunderkind. I have forcibly removed some of the incidents from my memory. If I kept all those nasty things in my head for long I don't think I could function very well.

I really am able to forget some of the bad stuff. I don't know how that came about., but it was not all that long ago that I acquired that skill set. I do remember still the boy figuring out on Friday night, how to get into the locked kitchen and bamboozalling us for about an hour until we figured it out. He managed to get in three times without us seeing him, and came out each time with a ton of pop tarts, and soda cans, and the last time a big plastic glass filled with ice cream. Each time Dad was able to get the stuff back with minimal scuffling.

We have a "window" between the kitchen and the living room which we have filled with upright porch type posts to keep kids from crawling into the kitchen. Turns out that our son was able to get his arm through the space and twist it around until he could tun the doorknob and open the door.

Now, Ross has been able to do that for a long long time. The difference is that once told he isn't allowed to do that, he stopped. It took J several months to figure it out, making Ross boast, hey, I'm smarter than him. I figured it out a long time ago. Which was a funny statement here in this family where everyone is MR. Nobody EVER talks about the intelligence of any of their brothers or sisters. They just accept that everyone was born different.

So, to keep order, I found a piece of sturdy plywood and dad screwed it into the posts so the kid couldn't get his arm in there.

So I went back to using the computer and Dad went off to change Jay and then I hear this loud banging. Wunderkind has picked up a metal high back dining chair and was pounding the top of it into the plywood. It held...but it really ticked him off.

The main difference in our parenting styles is that I'm able to drop the whole bad incident in a couple minutes. I really try hard to stay in a good mood, and I refuse to let anyone knock me out of that perspective. My husband lets it stew in his brain for hours. That used to be my operating style, too. But not anymore.

I just remember that there is a little (well 15 year old) boy with Down Syndrome in there who really does love us and whom we really do love. And I don't want to feed the universe negativity about him that would just make him worse. You get what your mind is focused on. If I focus on his bad behavior, I'm sure to get more of it.

It's very hard to discipline this kid. ANY discipline (and none of it is physical, by the way) will set him off again and worse this time. So I find it simpler to overlook a lot of the little stuff and to state how that was wrong, but not consequence him. Like today, Dad was bringing groceries home, and let the kid go out and bring in grocery bags. One the way in he apparently stopped and took out the whipped cream can that was for tonight's snack-strawberry sundaes. and ate practically the whole can. I found it in one of the bags when I was putting it away.

Now we could have told him that now he doesn't get a sundae. But that would have meant another couple hours of banging holes in walls, tearing doors apart, tearing down curtains and blinds, breaking his box spring, breaking into his siblings rooms and breaking their prized possessions...So we didn't do anything else. His Dad told him that it was a bad thing to do, but that was as far as he could get without giving US the consequences.

Dad is still stewing about it. Not me.

We had our friend Ms. Cindy who is a behavior specialist psychologist out on Friday before the kitchen incident. She didn't tell us to set up a token reward system or any of that behavior mod stuff that never seems to work. She says we really need a large man to shadow the kid around for his entire waking hours just to prevent him from doing these things. That if he siply isn't ab le to do them for a long enough period, that perhaps it will lessen. Working on getting the funding for that. Cynthia says she has two good men in mind for the job...